Fake Empire
by Miss Meggie
Summary: Jax is President of Sons Of Anarchy Motorcycle club and Jenna is his Queen. Who will they become and how do they change? We'll find out! **FOURTH CHAPTERED INSTALLMENT OF THE JAX/JENNA SERIES. COINCIDING WITH SEASON 5 WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR SEASON 5!**
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I own nothing but Jenna and Arizona! As always most of what happens in show happens in fic you just might not see it. Opie's children and Mother's names are different. My Episode titles will be different from cannon as well! The fic Title comes from The National's song Fake Empire. Both song mentioned in this chapter belong solely to Elvis Presley & Elvis Presley Enterprises. Lastly enjoy and if you like it please review.**

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**EPISODE 1: HER GRACE**

Jenna wakes to the sound of Abel and Arizona's laughter. They usually stand in their beds and talk to each other until she or Jax get them up she stands in the hall way between their rooms but its silent.

She rolls into the kitchen to find Jax at the kitchen table feeding Arie and making faces at Abel which her son never fails to find hilarious.

She reaches over looping an arm around his shoulders. "Hiya cowboy, you're back early." she says then notices the nasty looking scrape on his cheek.

"Do I wanna know how you got that?"

He smiles and kisses her. "Mornin' babe, you wouldn't have asked if you didn't now would you?"

"Smart man." She smirks at him.

"Niners tanked our truck. We're whole and the shipment's fine." He says eaisily

Jenna looked at the floor. "Don't do that, this isn't on you. It's on Tig for going off halfcocked like always baby. This is Clay's shit sure you stepped in it but you get wipe your shoes on this one. You hear me Jenna?" Jax says.

She nods.

"Could you look at me please so I know you got it clear?"

She looked up. "What are you Opie now?" she teased.

"It works for him…listen I'm gonna fix this Niner shit but I want you carrying."

"I'm loaded for bear every day; got a whole arsenal hidden in places you don't even wanna know." She joked.

Jax laughed. "Sexy."

Jenna start's fixing herself a cup of coffee. "Listen, your Mom she's going through some shit right now, I get it I do but I don't want our kids around it or on the off chance she has the urge to see Clay for that matter. So, I found, Tara found really that the hospital provides daycare and with Arizona's medical issues, Abel's too I know they're safe." She laughed. "Never thought I'd see the fucking day Tara Knowles has my back and Gemma tossing me to the winds. Anyway I'm putting them in. Between working at TM and restarting the band… all of it just…"

"Baby, you don't have to sell me its fine."

"Alright. Thank you." She sipped her coffee.

"I gotta go but I'll see you at the shop?" Jax said,

"Yup." He handed off Arizona and kissed them both. He walked around the table and kissed the top of Abel's blonde head. "I gotta go Monster Man, see you later though. Be good."

"Will do! Love you."

Jax smiled. "I love you. Bye guys."

-/-/-/-/-

"Yes, I know that but I need that part today…" Jenna sees a shadow out of the corner of her eye. Opie leans down kisses her on the cheek and she almost turns her head. "Okay thanks bye." The kiss lands on her cheek but just barely.

She laughs I thought you were my husband. That could have been awkward." Jenna said humor coloring her words.

"I'm like four inches taller than Jax." Opie says sounding exasperated.

"You also never give me kisses out of the blue."

"I kiss you just not often. Come on, we're going for a ride." He takes her breaks off and starts pushing her toward the door.

"Did someone die again?" she tilted her head up and looked back at him.

"Uh No, why?"

"When was the last time you took me for a ride for no reason? I think it was right after my accident and you wanted to prove to me I still could, mom almost killed you and dad cried and blamed on allergies."

"We went like 2 miles per hour still don't know why her panties were in a bunch." Opie complained.

Outside he sits her on the bike. "Where are you takin' the pretty lady?" sunshine asked as he walked past.

"Far away from your lecherous little ass Ashley,"

"Detract the claws Bub, we need the nomad charter," Jenna said lowly.

"I've never liked Deacon Ashley and I never will. He's a brown noser and he tries to steal my best friend's wife, not cool." Opie replied and revved the bike.

-/-/-./-/-

Jax is on his way to get Bobby when he sees Jenna slung up on the back of Opie's bike hanging onto him tight and heading toward the park.

"What the hell are they doing?" he murmurs then turns the tow truck around and follows them.

-/-/-/-

"The park huh?" Jenna said while removing her helmet.

"We don't have a spot anymore we sold dad's house and fed his couch to the wood chipper remember?" Opie looked back at her then dismounted the bike.

"True."

Opie nods over to tall slide with a clown face as a back board the slide going through the mouth. "I can't believe that death trap is still up. You were terrified of it; Dad had to go down it with you in his lap."

Jenna shuddered. "I hate clowns. Creepy fuckers."

He got her off the bike and they sat on the swings.

"I'm gonna walk away from it all for a bit Jen. I have too." He said quietly staring down a pile of leaves ahead of them.

"Look Ope, I get that this is hard on you. It's hard on me too. You think I'm okay with just burying the shit with Dad and Clay deeper? I'm not but Jax, he's my husband Ope and if I have to tow the line for a while I will. I'll do it for Jax. Because I love him and I can't do anything else right now. I can love him and trust him and believe what he tells me. So I'm gonna do that even it means I' m wrong in your eyes. I'd really appreciate it if you'd talk to me though, I already lost Dad and Donna don't make me lose you too." She says and waits for him to look at her. He eventually does so and his expression is so torn she wants to cry.

"Jen I know all of that I know you love him and I know you're stuck because of it. I just can't right now. I can't go play nice for you and pretend its fine, not anymore." He grips the swing chain spastically in his hand.

"You made a promise to Mom not to leave me behind. Hell you remember the time those Mayans broke in when I was six and they beat Dad so bad he didn't walk for two weeks, I was the only one there with him and you found me under the bed?"

"Yeah why?"

"You've promised to protect me, love me and always be my friend my whole life and you've done it. Just because you and Jax disagree that shouldn't change. I don't want to be the little girl under the bed again. Please don't make be her all because I love him. I can no more stop loving him than you can stop loving her." Jenna touched his upper arm where she knew a pin up tattoo of Donna presided.

"Jax might be my oldest friend but you… you were the first person I ever loved. I'm not going to stop talking to you; I will always protect you and be your friend. I just have to do it from a distance for a while. Like when you left and I got locked up, it sucked sometimes but we made it work." He says clearing his throat self-consciously.

"Yeah we did."

"Taco night the next time Jax has a night run? I don't want you alone at night. Besides, rat looks like he's fried a few cells." He smiles at her bright as ever.

"You bet." She smiled back.

Jax rolled up in the tow truck.

"I like the driver but I didn't call a tow." Jenna said when he got out.

"Well I saw some dude… take off with my wife a man has a right to be curious." Jax retorted lopsidedly grinning at them.

"Nothing to be curious about, I'm selling my bike figured for the last ride I needed a girl on the back. We just won't say the girl was my sister." Opie replied.

"It makes me feel special though, don't sell the bike you'll regret it. " She kisses his cheek. "Right on target!" she laughed and Jax looked on perplexed.

"Don't ask." Opie muttered.

"Listen Ope, I know you can't sit at the table and it was wrong of me to ask but I just wanna say that I will support anything you choose."

"Really?" Opie said sounding a little unsure.

"The spot is always there for you."

"The gavel turns shit around." Opie said getting to his feet.

"I won't become Clay."

"I'm more afraid I'll turn into you." He walks off then turns back. "Hey Sis, it's not what I wanted but you'll do it up right, you're doing a good thing. I'm proud. We all are."

"Thanks Opie."

"You give her a ride?" He asks Jax.

"Yeah I got it."

Once Opie leaves. Jax walks around behind the swing Jenna is sitting in. "Gonna push me?"

"Thinking about it." Jax sets the swing in motion. "So what do you think Ope means by becoming me?"

"The truth? Opie sees things from all angles even Donna's death he knows he played a part in however small that lead to where it ended. Dad, it's not like that I helped set thing in motion he was a by stander like you with JT you'd do anything to make it right because some part of you feels aimless, broken, betrayed. I think he feels that way like he might lose who he is trying to set things right for Dad."

"Do you think I do that?"

"Sometimes baby, it's noble but it makes you dangerous. Reckless."

Jax slowed the swing to a stop and kissed the top of her head. "What?"

"Nothing. You have a point is all." Jax replied.

-/-/-/-

After Jax dropped her back at the clubhouse Jenna went grocery shopping for the club.

On the way back, Jenna accidently runs the red light on main and soon sees flashing lights. She pulls over

"Hi Teddy, slow day?" she teases the sheriff while cracking her chewing gum.

"License and registration please…" she hands him the papers and listens to the radio chatter coming from his handset. "Come on flirt a lil don't you know I got thing for men in uniform?"

"Can you get out of the vehicle please?" he asks looking at her papers.

"I can given a good reason say rescuing puppies from traffic…" she retorts.

"Mrs. Teller."

"Christ, alright…promise to buy me dinner before you cuff me?"

They begin their search "Nothing is in there but baby toys and stale cheerios." Roosevelt pats her down. He finds her gun.

"Why do you have this?"

Jenna laughed. "I'm Jax Teller's wife. Why do you think I carry it? I'm not a felon, that is registered in my name and I have the license to carry a concealed weapon… give me my ticket and let me go Sherriff." She bites out bored with his game. "Next time you stop me Sparky? Try just a little harder to get something real on me. Because all you managed to do is ruffle my queenly little feathers."

He sighed. "If it's all the same to you, I'll take the groceries to the club. My husband's a bit persnickety if his ice cream melts."

"I'll escort you."

"Of course you will, feel me up then be gentleman on pretense. Lovely."

When Jenna rolled in with Roosevelt behind her all the guys stiffened. Juice even going so far as meeting Jenna at the truck.

"What's this?" he asks as she pulls the key from the ignition and tosses them in her purse.

"Ran a red light, now apparently red rover wants to come over." He helps Jenna form the vehicle.

"Get the lady's groceries rat boy."

Jenna goes inside and begins putting away the groceries before church begins.

-/-/-/-

"Hey baby," Jax says as he walks in with boys and Bobby.

"Hey, do I need to leave?"

"Nah, apparently one of the crow eater's places got broken into. Could you go check on her tonight? I know she's just a crow eater-"

"It wasn't Emily Duncan was it?"

"No, Lorraine Brice." Happy put in.

"Then I got it."

"Hey Sugar," Bobby says making his way over to her.

She hugs him. "How ya doin' Bobby? You okay? Glad to be out?"

"I'm right as rain Darlin'."

"Good."

"Songbird." Sunshine said as he walked into chapel.

"Shiny, mind your manners I'm Queen now."

He turned and bowed to her. "Always Milady,"

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Allow a man his dreams." He smirked

"That's all you'll have."

"You said something similar once."

"Shove it Deacon." Jenna says tired of the game.

"You wish baby."

"That's it!" Jax said lunging for him.

"Jax don't!" Jenna said putting herself in front of him as Chibs and Bobby held him back. "You need him; you have to up the charters membership to do everything we need. He's a vote baby that's all. Let it go."

"Why'd you sleep with him? Let me go I'm fine." He shrugged the guys off.

"I was lonely." She shrugged "And maybe a little delusional." At that Juice laughed.

"Juan Carlos."

"There's no call to use my name Mama! "She rolled her eyes.

"You really alright?" she directs at Jax

"It'll be a miracle if I don't kill him but yeah." Jax replies

-/-.-.-.-

Jenna sat working on band logos when Clay walked into church late.

"Jenny girl,"

"Don't Clay, you don't like me and I don't like you. I gotta tolerate you that's it." He came up to the bar.

"I saw how you handled the thing with Jax and Pretty boy. You got him to cool down real quick made him think of the big picture. Gemma she can't say it now but she'd be real proud."

Jenna just looked at him for a moment. "Not sure I want her approval or her pride directed at me. With both of you things like pride, honesty, dignity it comes at a heavy price. If I have to die or sell my soul? No fucking thank you."

"I won't insult you with apology over Piney but just know I had my reasons and he just got in the way."

"I had my reasons for shooting you too Clay, lucky for you getting in my way proved less fatal." She paused. "For now." She went back to sketching.

"I like the skull and cross bones heart thingy." He said and walked away. She promptly ripped up the design.

-/-/-/-

They had voted in the nomads and had voted Bobby in to the V.P. spot when Clay raised his hand.

"Listen I have something to say about Ope stepping away from the club and it's complicated so please hear me out. I went up to the cabin to try iron shit out with Piney over these cartel dealings when I got there he was a fifth deep in patron and I couldn't get an argument out before he pulled the shot gun on me. We fought I wrestled it away. Then he pulled a nine. I had no choice. I shot Piney, not the lobo senore. I was going to explain things but Jennasis being who she is, so smart and on the inside figured it out before I could. She went to Ope, they confronted me and Jenny shot me. Not the Niners."

"Remind me not to fuck with Mrs. Teller she's hotter than Mrs. Robinson and crazier than Lorena Bobbitt!" Juice said.

Jax shot him a look. "Sorry."

"I killed an innocent girl! Why'd you say it was black?" Tig added.

"He was protecting Jenna. Weren't you?" Jax said firmly. "And if this gets out? It lands on me or Ope, not my wife is that clear? This is the one thing that's not up to debate."

They all give him some form of assent and conclude church.

-/-/-/-

All the guys file out of the except for Jax and Clay everyone stares at her.

"What? What's going on? What'd I miss?"

"You shot Clay baby?" Tig asks carefully. When she goes pale he knows it's true.

"I was angry, and in pain Tig, "

"It was self-defense he didn't-"

"Fuck you it was self-defense! It was close range with a goddamn double barrel. He let me find him Tig. Imagine what it would be like for Dawn or Fawn to find you! He let me find him. He doesn't love anyone but himself Tig. Figure that out before your love and loyalty to him gets you killed too! Please…"

"Do you regret it?" Bobby asked.

"No. I regret the damage it caused yes the thing with the Niners and Pope's daughter I totally regret. Shooting him, I'll never regret. He deserved it for more reasons than any of you can know. So it might make me too much like the old man but I that's just how I see things."

"Damn, someone needs a smiley face too add to their collection of tatts." Happy pointed out.

"That's not funny." Bobby put in.

"Maybe a winky face since you didn't totally off him." Juice added. She snickers she can't help it.

Tig stomps off. "It ain't about you baby, it's the lie Clay told." Bobby says.

-/-/-/-

She checks on the crow eater who's rattled but okay then takes her kids and goes home. She feeds them dinner and is bathing them when Gemma comes in.

"I was told if I wanna see my grandkids I gotta clear it with you, their mother." Gemma says obvious distaste dripping from her words.

"Oh that just chaps your ass don't it Gem?" Jenna said smiling. "Thank you helping bubba but don't hold the rag over your sister's face like that." She took the was rag away from him and wiped their faces in turn

"Boogers." Abel tells her.

"I'll get em son, thanks though."

"Maybe a lil it does." She sits on the closed and child locked toilet. "What the fuck you locked the toilet?"

"Don't want Arie to like fall in or something Mom."

"Paranoid."

"Says the woman with a hat box full of glocks." She transfers from the shower floor where she sat bathing the kids to her chair. She picks up Arie. "Grab Abe for me?"

"Jenny you're soaked."

"We need a tub, I used to bathe them at Dad's but we make do."

They're dressing them for bed. "You know they really shouldn't be in daycare, they aren't like other kids Jenny."

"They are too Ma! They're regular normal kids. They need friends and socialization outside the SAMCRO bubble and you know that." She lays Arie in her crib.

"We raise our kids Jennasis. Paying someone to do it is lazy."

Jenna fought the urge to growl and kissed Arizona goodnight.

"I'm raising my children Gemma. I'm just doing it differently than you. I want more for my kids than marrying bikers and being in and out of jail Gemma!" she crossed into Abel's room and kissed him good night and exited the room.

"You love Jax."

"With my whole heart and I don't regret it but…. Did you know I got into Berkley Music College? Daddy wanted me go, Mama begged me…I wanted Jax I wanted the life I have so I stayed but part of it was because our world was so separate from everything that I didn't think I could do it. Not without my guys at my back."

"I want Arizona and Abel to stand on their own and not have something life altering happening to them to make them do it. I want them to trust the real world. This was just a first step."

"Bullshit!"

"Fine Gemma you want to some real truth I smell whiskey and pot on your breath every morning at work. I am the child of an alcoholic I refuse to subject my children to it."

"Piney spent his whole life half tanked!"

"You know what Gemma? Fuck you! I never let him have them if he'd been drinking and you goddamn motherfucking know it! Don't guilt me clean you fucking shit up then we'll talk if I feel like it! Until then its daycare and seeing them when I say!"

Jax and Bobby walk in the midst of the argument.

"Whoa." Bobby said.

"It's never good when Jenna strings together multiple expletives. Be back." Jax said and went to find them facing off in the hallway.

"Stop it and be quiet!" Jax reprimands them.

"But Jax-"Jenna starts only to be cut off/

"I know, could you two stop for me please." He pleads.

"Fine. Bringing my Dad into it was a low blow and she knows it."

"I'm sorry." Gemma said softly/

"No you're not, spare me." Jenna rolled off.

"Bobby wanted to see the kids."

"Alright." Jenna rolled into the living room. "You can sing them to sleep tonight Bobby. I need a replacement for a bit. I caught myself singing Bon Jovi to them last night." She hugs him.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah sure Arie likes ICan't Help Falling in Love with you and monster child likes Unchained Melody."

-/-/-/-

Gemma's phone rings minutes later. She answers it and hands it to Jax "Unser."

Jax listens for a bit. "How long? Okay."

"What now?" Jenna asked.

He hung up. "Witnesses have come forward identifying Me, Chibs, and Tig in the hit and run involving Veronica Pope. APB just went wide."

"Shit how?" Bobby wheeled Jenna to the dining room table they never used. Jax sat down in a chair next to her with Gemma on his other side.

"This is Pope fucking with us Jenna the only one he'd have solid is Tig. He paid those people."

"Can you go in?" She crosses her arms and tilts her head toward him.

"No. that's what he wants to kill us on the inside and have his hands clean."

"Okay, you all go under I can contact Lohan and see if she can slow things down. Bobby can talk to Otto and see if he can get you some protection on the inside." Jenna plans calmly.

"There's nowhere to go and Otto is in solitary."

"I have a place." Gemma said.

Jenna looks at her for a solid minute. "Promise me on Abel and Arizona he'll be safe."

"I promise on the kids he'll be safe baby."

Jax releases Jenna's seatbelt and pulls her over so that she's straddling his lap. He hugs her tightly.

"Bobby will help you with anything you need. If you don't feel safe stay at the club or call Ope to stay with you. Keep the gun on you at all times. Lock up tight at night. If there's emergency come see me otherwise stay away. Too much violence is about to go down I don't want you visiting." He says calm and quiet.

"I can do this Jax. I've done it my whole life."

"Doesn't mean you should have too!" he kisses her softly and sits her back in the chair... "I'll call you." He turns to leave.

"Jax!" He turns back.

"I love you."

He smiles. "I know that. I love you back." They all leave her in the too quiet house.

-/-/-/-

Jenna stares at the phone before giving in and calling. "Hey mama."

"Hey Dumplin' you sound sad."

"Been forever since you called me that." Jenna smiles sadly.

"You're still my baby, no matter how tough and grown up you are."

"Jax had to dig under because of something I did."

"Nothing is ever that simple with SAMCRO baby girl don't bullshit a bullshitter. What's wrong?"

"It's been like fifteen minutes and I'm already lonely."

"Ah, you just figured out you should've had sex before he left."

"Mama!" Jenna laughs.

"Just sayin' I've been there is all."

"Gross." She sighed. "I'm not ready for another long haul."

"I know, just hang on. It won't last forever."

"You sure? Because I'm not." Jenna shakes her head.

"Keep the faith Jennasis."

"I really miss Dad."

"I know. I love you."

"Love you too thanks Mama!"

"No need to thank me baby just doin my job. Go to sleep."

"I can't."

"You can, just stop thinking. Night baby."

"Night can I come get Pay –Pay tomorrow?"

"Opie might have them but sure. Bye sweetheart."

"Bye Mom." Jenna hangs up and exhales a long breath she goes to bed and waits for what tomorrow will bring.


	2. Episodes 2 &3: Shattered

Jenna sits staring up at the sign in front of the place where the guys have dug under. It reads: _Diosa international _ "Could you please tell me that this is just a poorly titled travel agency."

"Would you believe it?" Lohan asks smirking behind her.

"Not likely." They move inside.

Jax walks over and leans down to kiss Jenna. "Don't yell at me not my choice." He says before she can bitch at him. Jenna's hooks her aviators into her black lace top.

A very expensively dressed and leggy blonde strolls by. "A whore house? Really?" she whispers. "

"We're high end sweetie." The blonde says.

"The name is Jennasis sweetie." She says sharply. "But I like your boots." Jenna's not much on fashion but she does like the occasional loubatians.

"Emma Jean, don't harass potential employees." A kind of ruggedly handsome Hispanic guy says from across the room.

"You'd go outta business trying to pay for my services." Jenna smiles sharply

. The guy gets up and approaches. "Just my way of sayin' you're pretty Darlin'." He flirts and Jenna watches Jax for a reaction but it gets none. Jax must like the guy.

"It's a unique way to compliment someone. I usually get starers or the occasional creep who'll follow me around the grocery store but a change of pace never hurts. Jennasis Teller not at your service." She smirks and offers her hand which he shakes while looking her in the eye.

"Nero Padilla."

"Nice to meet you. Jackson you pop any of these expensive little tarts I pop you and not in the way you like we clear cowboy?" she looks over at Jax and then at the bevy of women milling about.

"Crystal Jenna." He replies rolling his eyes. He fucks one little skank and it's never forgotten.

"That's good, just makin' sure," He smiles at her. "I know, and I love you."

"Back at you. Where's Gem?" He shrugs. "Got me."

Jenna rolls off. "I had her pegged for your sister before you kissed her. She's got Gemma written all over her." Nero says and Jax leans on the reception desk facing him.

"Nah, she's different than Ma in a lot of ways, but she did help raise Jenna so there are some similarities." Emma Jean eyes Jenna warily. Girl's got a brain, good.

-/-/-/-

"What's the look on your face mean?" Jenna asks after only half listening to the meeting with Lohan. "Cause if you are trying to decide if your Mom is fucking pimp daddy over there I'd go with yes." She smirks at him a teasing glint in her eyes.

Jax pulls her aside. "Pope kidnapped and lit Dawn on fire and made tig watch her burn to death. We have to find Fawn before we go in."

"What? What kind of crazy fuck…oh shit I- "she runs and through her hair and grits her teeth. She looks away.

"You didn't do this Jen Tig's recklessness did." He tells her taking her chin and making her look him in the eye.

"Jax I-"

"Just listen to me baby. This isn't your fault." He tries to ease her guilt.

"You turn yourself in on good faith I can get you eight hours to get your affairs in order." Lohan interrupts them.

Jax nods. He watches Jenna buckle down and shelve her guilt. "Where will you need me?"

"Start calling the old ladies, the kids sweet butts, crow eaters everyone tell them we're locking down until I say it's clear. Can you get the club ready if we need it? I'll meet you there."

"Got it, just need to do something and get the numbers from your mom." Jax nods. He kisses her.

"Stay safe Jackson."

"You too baby. See you in a bit."

-/-/-/-/-

Jenna uses the brothel bathroom and Gemma walks in. She tosses an EPT box at Jenna. "I intercepted the prospect with this."

"Yeah well, I started so don't need it."

"Did you want to be?" Gemma leans on the sinks facing Jenna arms crossed.

"No." comes the plain answer.

"Why?"

"Shouldn't that be obvious? People are lighting our children up like roman fucking candles and you wonder why I don't want to be pregnant?" Jenna shakes her head and stops going through her purse. She laughs and looks at Gemma. "Sometimes I don't get you."

"I get it. I just don't agree you let the actions of others dictate your life and you'll never be happy."

"That's rich coming from you, all you've ever done is try to dictate people's lives mine, Jax's, John's , tell me something Gem you ever get tired of being the puppet master? Or is it really just as simple as using your pussy for power? I used to think you were really someone to look up to, now all I see is an insecure old ladder climber with an attitude problem, you killed John when he was of no use to you, then left Clay to be picked apart by me and Ope. What happens when you finally figure out all that power you had has dried up and blown away and Don Juan De Whore-a lot is just using you for a handy lay?"

Gemma slapped her catching Jenna high on the cheek.

"I'd be real careful sweetheart; you are going to need me because no one else has been where you ate now except me. Your weak willed ex stripper mama won't and can't help you. Remember that."

"Maybe. Slap me again and I'll break your fucking hand." And she rolled away.

-/-/-/-/-

Jenna is changing the sheets on the bed in the club apartment when Opie comes in and plops down on the bed.

"Dude…" Jenna whines.

"What?" he feigns innocence.

"get your sweaty ass up off my clean sheets." She tries to shove him off the bed.

"No."

"Ah so that's where Abel learned that word." He reaches out blindly and pulls her on to the bed with him.

"It's my job as his uncle to teach him all the bad words I know and all the things that bug you."

They lay staring at the ceiling for long drawn out moment before Opie speaks. "Clay came by my place earlier."

"And?"

"He's lucky I didn't saw off some body parts to go with his missing lung."

Jenna laughed and Opie smirked at her. "Basically he said he wasn't sorry for shooting the old man but he's all but done for so I shouldn't let my hatred for him take away my love for the club."

"And what do you think?" She looked over at him.

"He's an asshole but he's right."

"What do you think I should do?"

"Whatever makes you happiest."

Opie nods and his eyes narrow. "Why is there a red mark on your cheek?"

"Got mouthy with mother Gemma." Jenna smiles crookedly.

"No one hits you I don't care who it is. Don't let her do it again." He commands.

"She won't if she's smart." Jenna's phone rang and she groaned.

"What?"

"I made the mistake of getting Mama an iPhone."

"Hello, Yes Mama. I know, no Mama Harry is with me. I'll come get you for lockdown. Just for tonight, I think. No one will light your cat on fire Mother!"

Opie starts laughing silently and Jenna bites her lip to keep the giggles away.

"We will ok, I'll tell him."

"Alright, I love you too bye."

"What'd she want?"

"She thought you were going in with them, you should still probably go see your kids though, and she wants me to send her a picture of us for her wallpaper."

They sit up and scoot together Opie throws his arm around her shoulders and they smile into the camera. She snaps it and looks it over.

"Not bad for a phone shot."

"Well we are beautiful people. What's your wallpaper?

"I think its still Jax shirtless. Hey don't judge fourteen months is a long time. What's yours?"

"Donna and the kids." He gets up.

"I got shit to do so I gotta go but I wanted to spend a minute with you before I left."

"Left…" she looks at him eyebrows rising in question.

"I'm gonna go in with them I think? Keep Jax safe."

"Why?"

"Best way to protect the things I love is to protect him." He squats down in front of her and looks at her for a long second.

Opie hugs her tightly and holds on for a few seconds. "I love you."

"I love you too Harry." He kisses her forehead and goes to leave. Her phone rings out start me up telling her Jax is calling. Opie laughs. "That's fitting."

"Hey babe,"

"See you." He waves backing out of the room. She smiles and mouths "see you later."

"Jenna mom's new boyfriend is crazy. "

"Crazy by our tigified definition or actually crazy like the clinical kind?" she flings herself back on the bed.

"Baby, he got into a high speed chase for fun! "

"You were scared." Jenna laughed. "I can hear it."

"I didn't know whether to bail or hang on and pray." She cackles in his ear.

"Shut up. It wasn't funny." Jenna continues to laugh "Jenna." The warning in Jax's tone doesn't put her off but it fades to snickers and she's catching her breath so he'll take it.

"Sorry baby, fine now…I just really needed laugh."

"Glad my terror is amusing to you. Anyway, were heading in see you in like an hour. I love you."

"I love you too Jax."

-/-/-/-

-/-/-/-

Jenna's phone vibrates on the table. She picks up and rolls toward the clubhouse entrance.

From Opie: Lyla has the kids, I sent Rat to Mom's to stay with her you have enough on your plate I love you.

Jen: I can handle it if I need too. Love you too.

Opie: fixed for now.

The motorcycles rolling up and Tara bringing her the kids distract her.

"Thanks, Tara I meant to go get them." Abel bypasses both of them completely headed straight for Jax.

"No problem busy day. You know Gemma will fucking freak on you when she figures out I can sign them out and she can't."

"Nah she'll shit when she figures out my mom can sign them out." Jenna smiles and grabs Arizona who is busy reaching for her.

They sit their little family grouped together. Abel sitting in jax's lap reading one of his picture books.

"How are you doin'?" he asks reading her expression for stress or sadness.

"With?"

"All of it." He points to a picture in Abel's book. "What color is that puppy?" he asks and it makes Jenna smile that even in this entire Jax can muti task and pay attention to Abel.

"Kifford red!" Abel says.

"I'll let you know when I figure it out." She answers.

"One step at time baby, we'll fix it. That's right AJ what color are your eyes?" Jax points to his own eye.

"Boo." Abel replies.

"Smart boy!" Abel squirms to be put down. Jax lets him down and watches him walk over to Happy and tug on the man's cut. Happy picks him up.

"Big softy."

"Don't let Him hear you say that. I like you alive." Jenna teases.

"Quit hoggin' Zona and give her here."

"Fine." She pouts but hands her over.

"How's my girl? How's sweet Zona huh?" he tosses the baby up and catches her.

"I hate when you do that!" Jax grins and tosses her higher Arizona squeals and laughs "Da Da!"

"That was the first word." Jenna says.

"It was not!" Jax kisses the baby's neck and she laughs.

"Do it again! Da da! Come on…Hey, wait she's wheezing."

She's stuffed up and you got her excited she's fine Jax."

"You're sure?" he looks at her skeptically.

"Yup babe, but if it makes you feel better I'll do a breathing treatment at home and take her to Tara tomorrow."

"Okay."

Jax looks at the Harley Davidson clock on the wall. "Five minutes." He kisses Jenna. "It will all be fine."

"Keep your head down and stay safe. I love you." She grins at him.

"I love you more."  
He kisses the kids and hands Arie off to Chucky. "Bye Zona. Be careful with my kid no thumbs."

Jax kisses Abel one last time on the top of the head. "After while crocodile."

"Sees you later aldagator." Abel returns.

Happy is staring down Roosevelt in the door way. "Outside, my kids are here." Jax says to him the sheriff nods and lets them pass.

Opie pulls up just as they're being cuffed. He approaches and shoots Happy a wordless look.

"Come to say good bye?" Roosevelt asks.

"Something like that." Opie punches Roosevelt and elbows another deputy. Jenna jerks forward. Only to be stopped by Happy's firm grip on her arm. "Uh uh, Darlin."

She knows she should have expected something like this but she didn't, not really. "I'm fine I know what he's doing. You can let go." She says calmly.

"Which is?" Tara asks.

"Staying close," Gemma replies.

"Keeping Jax safe." Jenna answers. "Going in."

Opie is cuffed after being subdued. He's on his knees and being pulled up. "We're trusting you with her." He says to one of the men behind her either Happy or Juice. They both nod. He winks and smiles at Jenna and is carted off with the others.

-/-/-/-

The next morning she gets up and gets the kids dressed. She rolls to the kitchen with Arie in her lap and Abel walking beside her holding on the arm rest of the chair. "Seepy."

"I know buddy breakfast will help." In the kitchen she finds Happy at the table. "Morning Jen."

"Morning Hap, Fruit Loops or Lucky Charms Abe?"

"Yucky Harms."

She smiles and kisses his cheek. "Okay."

"Juice is Clay sitting so you got me."

"That's fine."

Jenna goes and turns on the TV pulling her Netflix queue and putting on The Vampire Diaries.

"Oooh, TVD how far in are you. I like the yappy blonde vamp chick." Happy says.

Jenna freezes spoon half way to her mouth. "You watch Vampire Diaries?"

"Yeah my girlfriend likes it I kinda got sucked in." He plops down on the couch to her left.

"Ha! Sucked in…Why Caroline?" she smiles and chews.

"Elena's a helpless little whine bag, Blondie's hot and does shit herself."

"I know! I end up wanting to stab Elena once a season at least." Jenna agrees.

"Stake a bitch yourself cry baby." He adds and Jenna laughs.

"Wait, you have a girlfriend?"

"Uh huh, met her inside. The prison librarian." He shrugs "I like smart chicks."

"And I was already taken?" she teased.

"I don't fuck women who are crazier than me." He smiles at her.

"I have band auditions today, I feel like I should put them off."

"No. Jax wouldn't want you too. I can I go with you and heckle the terrible ones?"

"You're fun Happy it's weird."

"I can be fun. Just don't tell the guys that and vamp diaries-"

"Is our secret, so let's Jeremy just left, Stefan is nuts Damon kissed Elena finally and Tyler bit Caroline and they're holding the bodies of Klaus' family hostage and that's where we are!"

In club Jenna taps her head on the bar. "I- I want to be sedated until he's finished. "She sings along with the terrible guitarist. Happy laughs.  
"Take fifteen actual lessons then come back." Jenna advises the kid mid song.  
"The bassist with the blue hair was good.  
"Symon, she was good and smurf blue dreads takes some balls I'll give her that."  
"Jax would vote yes to that one drummer that was gay." Jenna looks at him a little puzzled  
"Jen, your gaydar is shit. That boy sashayed in here and tried to bedroom eye me out of my smiley tatts!"

The club house door creaks open and in walks a tall and curvy blonde girl. In a red off the shoulder top and black skinny jeans.  
"Joss, Hey Darlin'." She walks over and kisses happy and then looks at Jenna all big brown eyes and Colgate smiles.  
Little Miss All American girl seems very oddly matched with Happy. Jenna smiles anyway and offers her hand across Happy. "Jennasis Teller."  
"Jossara Martinez."  
Jenna cocks her head to the side. "As in Nico Martinez?"  
"Yes."  
"Hap, know just who you are?"

"I trust her." He replies tersely but without heat.  
"The guys won't."  
"I'm a club baby just like you I understand how it all works."  
Jenna laughs. "Then you should know that being the niece of Marcus Alaverez and sleeping with his rival club's assassin is a good way to die."

"Not looking to step on anyone's toes I just want to find my place here." Joss placates

"I don't really believe** in the club**'s hierarchy of women but I am basically the only one. So, here's the deal I'm a bitch on a good day, I can't help its reflexive like breathing. I find out you are screwing anyone's husband? I'll hang you out to dry and leave you without a friend in the world. You turn on me or my family and you'll wish you were dead. Happy's family honey. I can make a really great friend Joss was it? And a down right deadly enemy as long as that's clear we're good." Jenna said then glanced down at her text messages.

"**And I have to make sure my mother in law doesn't get my children kicked out of daycare but if you'd like to have lunch sometime I'm always around."  
Jenna goes to roll away. "Oh and Hap, tell Jax who you are fuckin' or I will. Bye loves."**

**Jenna picks up the kids early after lining Gemma out. She's sitting in the floor with the kids playing when there's a knock at the door. She gets back in her chair and answers the door.  
"Well, well, if it isn't Wendy "basket" Case."  
"Isn't that a lil out dated?"  
"Nah still bugs you."  
"What do you want? Why are you here? We covered this-"  
"Mama!" Jenna looks over her shoulder to see Abel trying to lug Arie into his Lego strewn tent.  
"Don't pick up your sister AJ and only the big Legos for sister okay?"**

"She's beautiful," Wendy says.

"Thanks, now quit buttering me up and tell me what the fuck it is you want?"

"To talk about Abel and seeing him I heard you've hit a rough patch because Piney died. I'm sorry about that but you can't put my son in danger or your daughter for that matter."

"Gemma of course… fucking dirt slinging underhanded bitch. Whatever it is she told you is a flat out lie. She say I've been drinking popping pills to get through it?" Jenna eyes narrow and her jaw locks.

"You're an addict and I fucking grew up with one do I look like I'm self-medicating or drinking the shit away to you?"

"She-"Jenna cuts her off.

"She played you like a fiddle Wendy, just like she does anyone who refuses to bend, bow, and stoop. I took my place just like she taught me, turns out she hates it. Having no power what so ever doesn't suit the queen mother, she used you plain and simple. You wanna see the kid you damn near ruined and killed? Then get a fucking lawyer and get your pitiful junky ass off my porch." She slammed the door in Wendy's face.

She picks up her phone and calls Gemma.

"You taught me how to play the game, next time pick a better pawn that wasn't even a challenge."

"I don't-"

"Oh yes you do? Quit fucking with my family Gemma."

"What you'll try and kill me too?"

"Tempting as that is no, I'll take them all from you and not feel a damn thing. I'll smile and wave at your ass as it all slips away from you. Checkmate. Goodnight Mom."

-/-/-/-

Jenna hates a silent house it feels eerie so when Bobby and Hap show up she gladly lets them and even relinquishes her kitchen to Bobby to make chili. Abel had charmed Happy into playing with him and Bobby sat talking to her.

The phone rings and Bobby goes to answer it. "Nah I got it's probably Jackson." She hands him Arizona and grabs the phone. "Hey baby, this had so better be my guy cause-"

"Hey my Jenna," his tone is soft and tired and it makes her heart rate kick up.

"Everything okay Jaxy?"

"No. Opie's dead." She inhales and the phone slips from her grip and clatters to the floor. She lets out a soul searing scream that could be heard for miles.

"Jenny what the hell?" Bobby says startled.

Happy jumps from the floor and strides over to Jenna and takes her face in his hands. She's still screaming. "Jenny, tell me what's wrong." She shakes her head no over and over.

"Can't… can't can't be real?" She rambles.

Bobby hears Jax screaming Jenna's name from the receiver on the floor. "What the hell did you do?"

"Ope's dead." He says plainly.

"What how?"

"That's not important right now. I need you to keep her from stroking out from the AD. Her blood pressure is very sensitive to stressors like this. Calm her down right now." He commands.

Bobby relays the information to Happy. "Okay Jen, can you breathe for me? Just breathe…good girl."

"Harry…" She whispers in anguish.

"I know baby, I'm sorry. Can you look at me?" Happy asks gently.

"Jax says check her pupils are the dilated any?"

"I know what I'm doing, Piney taught me what to look for when she couldn't regulate it in Tacoma. I need you put Jax on speaker."

"I need you to talk her down Jax can you do that?"

"Yes." Jax replies voice thick.

"Jax," the screaming has stopped and given way to heart wrenching sobs that make Jax cry himself.

"Yeah baby, I'm here."

"What h-happened."

Opie's last words to him fill his mind. "Tell Jen it was a yard fight. Take care of them…"

"Ope!" he slaps the glass.

"This is me." He replies. He comes back to himself. "A yard fight. He got caught in the crossfire." Her sobs become muffled as if someone is holding her to them.

"I love you Jenna. I'll be home tomorrow. I'm so sorry baby." His voice cracks "I gotta go Jenna. I love you."

The kids crying in the background and Jenna sobbing is all he hears in return. "I've got her man. I'll stay until you can get to her." Comes Happy's gruff and gravelly voice.

"Yeah." He hangs up.

**I do not own SoA or TVD. I do own Jenna, Arizona, and Joss. Also Jossara is pronounced Jo-Sarah. Please review if you like it I've been in bad place recently and consequently Opie's death is forcing me to deal with very difficult things via my writing. So if you enjoyed please say so.**


	3. Episode 4: The End Of The World

**NOTES: I OWN NOTHING BUT JENNA & ARIZONA. PLEASE LISTEN TO THE SONG SHAPE OF US BY IAN BRITT PLEASE REVIEW.**

**SONGS USED: SHAPE OF US BY IAN BRITT.**

**-/-/-/-**

The house Jax walks into feels foreign though everything looks the same, just as he left it. Then he feels the difference, the shift. The utterly dead silence.

He walks through the living room and spots Abel playing with his hot wheels. He touches the top of Abel's head. "Mama cry, Opie bye, bye." Abel says and looks back down returning to his car crash.

To hear something so complex and painful boiled down to four simple words makes his eyes and nose burn with unshed tears. He swallows. "I know."

A blonde girl comes from the kitchen with Arizona on her hip. "She's in the bedroom."

"Who are you?" he asks and Arizona waves at him.

"Happy's girlfriend Joss."

The name and face tugs at his memory but he shrugs it off for now. "Hey sweet Zona." He waves in return and kisses the top of her head. He walks to the bedroom afraid of what he'll find.

-/-/-/-/-

Happy stands in the darkened bedroom leaning against the wall. Jax can barely make out the lump that lies in the center of the bed as his wife. The only tip-off is the red hair peeking from beneath the blanket.

"I had doc give her something, she couldn't stop crying." Happy said.

Jax nods and climbs in to bed with her. "How long has she been like this?"

"Hours. No sleeping or tears just staring."

"Hey," he kisses her cheek and the side of her neck. He gets no reaction. He draws her closer to him follows her gaze to the blank wall.

"Tell the guys, we're having church in an hour. I just need to fix her up first."

"Yeah, I wouldn't leave her alone." Happy goes to leave.

"Thanks Hap." He says distractedly keeping his eyes on Jenna.

"Let's get you cleaned up. It'll help."

-/-/-/-/-

Jax undresses her and sits her in the shower chair. He tests the water before placing her hand under the spray. "Too hot?" she shakes her head no.

He talks of things that don't really matter. The shop inventory and reality shows as washes her hair and body.

He runs the soapy rag down her side over her treble cleft tattoo. "You remember how Ope, threw a fit because it says Harry and not Opie?" she bites her lip but doesn't cry.

"Baby can you tell me how much of this is you and how much of it is medication? Because I'm getting scared alright?" he asks gently running the wash cloth down her arm, he washes her hand with methodical care. He has a brief flash of Opie playing with Jenna's hand the day they found Piney dead. He'd always loved her artist's hands but he knew Opie loved them for a different reason.

"_She had to relearn how to use her hands, every single tiny thing. Anytime I see her play guitar or piano? It's like witnessing a miracle."_ Opie's voice rings clear in his head but its Jenna's weary voice that breaks into his thoughts.

"I'm afraid." She says softly her voice hoarse from screaming and crying.

"Of?" he watches her closely trying to gauge where she's at as she stares blankly at the cold water knob.

"Everything, I don't know how to live without him. I don't want to feel it because it feels…feels too big, it's going to kill me, the pain." She nods firmly as though it's fact.

"I won't let it."

She looks over at him. "Everyone leaves, they leave me Jackson."

"I'm right here." He touches her face and moves a curl behind her ear. "I will not leave you."

"The club kills everything it touches. Everything that loves it dies."

"I won't. I promise." He leans over and kisses her. Trying to say what he feels without words. Like he's trying to pump some life back into her. "I love you Jenna, I need you okay? I need you and this it scares me so please baby can you pull it together?"

"I'm trying."

"And that's enough."

-/-/-/-/-/-

Jenna sits outside the chapel door listening.

"Ope's been looking for a way out since Donna. He went out a warrior." Jax says.

Jenna bursts through the chapel door. All of the men look up.

"Jenna you aren't supposed to be in here." Jax says.

"Fuck you." She snarls.

"Well alright then, it's better than silence."

"Look me in the eye and tell me he wanted to check out on me, on his kids! You tell me he was looking for a way out and that he's a fucking warrior Jax you tell me. I dare you!" her words are steady and clear fueled by a very well fed and righteous anger.

"Now, isn't the time."

"You said it. Defend it."

"You tried baby, we all did. I know you did everything you could to pull him out of it but truthfully he was done before you came back and we both know it." She chokes back a sob. She picks up Frankie Diamonds' coffee cup and pitches it at Jax's his head. He ducks and the wall gets showered in hot coffee and ceramic glass.

"Jenna!" Jax reprimands.

"Shut up before you say something that makes me hate you."

"Now," she turned her attention to Clay. "I've got something to say before we put my brother in the ground. You will listen."

"I'm all ears Darlin'" he smirks.

"Tread careful you insignificant bag of bones I got no problem doin' the world a favor and shootin you in your good lung."

"Shit Red don't play." Happy murmured.

"I'm a tough lady Clay. An alcoholic father and absentee mother, being disabled at twenty three years old and losing the love of life and basically wandering the world like some broken little nomad didn't kill me. Hell, looking back it barely made a fucking dent. The death of the only female friend I have ever had, and finding my father dead and knowing you did it? Didn't kill me either. You wanted me dead right? You got your wish you just didn't use bullets this time. You've crushed me. I will never again be who I once was it's like someone took an ice cream scoop and ripped out a part of my soul."

"Jenna I don't think-"he tries to get her to see reason and get her to see that she let something slip her anger.

"Jax do you love me?" he nods. "Then, just don't say anything. Let me finish."

She looked at Clay. "I blame you. He was out, and you drug him right back in. He was going to take his kids and go, but he bought your story… I'm done it's your club. Why couldn't you just let it go! He was out which is the smart thing, and I've never been able to do it because I love him so fucking much and God do wish I didn't. I just wanted you to know you won. I'm as good as dead either way because you took everything… everything but him." She looked over at Jax. "I'm sure he'll be next. Do me a favor just let me curl and die and leave me out of it."

"It was him or Jax baby, Opie just did what he always did. Save you." Clay said.

"What does he mean?"

The room was silent. "What does he mean Jackson?" She said again fear curling into her words as she stared Jax down.

"Jenna."

"Answer me, you fucking answer me!" She shouted tears brimming in her eyes. "Right now." She added lowly.

"Pope demanded the life of a son for the dead banger. If we didn't choose baby, a guard was going to do it for us."

"You chose to let them kill my brother?" shock and betrayal color her words.

"No Darlin' I would never…I never I loved him as much as you, you know that!"

"He headed butted a guard. He chose it before we could stop him Love," Chibs answered

"I killed him. I killed Harry." She began to sob. Juice touched her arm. "Don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me!" she rolled off sobbing. Jax went to go after her.

"Let me man, please." Tig said. "I know where she's at now. You don't."

"You have no soul." Tig directed at Clay. "And that's saying something coming from me."

-/-/-/-

Tig hugged Jenna from behind. "I'd take it all back, I would…" she sobbed.

"I know you would Darlin' so would I." Tig's words fall into her hair.

"I killed him…"

"No you didn't baby, you thought you were doing right by Piney. You couldn't have predicted this. Opie chose his death baby and as hard as it is as much as you'd change it. He wouldn't. He knew he was going into an unwinnable war for his family and his club. You have to respect it and lay it down and let go. Otherwise it will kill you and I won't have that." He said voice steady. Jenna can see in this moment for all of Tig's halfcocked antics why Gemma trusts him. He's as steadfast as he is crazy.

"I'm sorry about Dawn." Jenna said softly as tig let her go.

"So am I. Pope's going to get his for all of it."

"Dad always liked that Chinese proverb on a journey of vengeance dig two graves digging mine's one thing I never intended to dig Opie's." She stared across the lot as the sun hit Opie's vacant bike.

"He'd of shot Clay; you just beat him to it." Tig said leaning on the railing and looking her over.

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

"I know."

-/-/-/-

Jax comes out of the clubhouse and stops to talk to Unser.

"Mom got locked up I gotta go check it out. Wanna come?"

"I should stay and plan the wake, I gotta call Ma and the kids and…"

"It's all taken care of baby go with Jax." Tig said.

-/-/-/-

Jenna rolls into the torn through remains of Diosa International. "What the hell?" Jax muttered.

"Raid, after your mama's little disagreement."

"This has you written all over it." Jax said to Gemma.

Jenna laughed, "Nice to see I ain't the only one with an aversion to busy body whores."

"You look like hell…" Gemma told her.

"And I feel it."

"One of our guys got shot and it seems Emma Jean went to the vice." Nero finished.

Nero's guys begin muttering about getting the bitch and leave.

"Since we caused this I'll fix it." Jax offers.

"She caused it." Jenna corrects.

Jax rolls his eyes. "Baby…" he pleads in half warning.

"Fine I'll wait in the car, bye hooker mommy." She waves without looking back at Gemma.

-/-/-/-

Jenna dials Ann's number as they pull into a rundown no tell motel.

"Uh baby why are we at the Hooker Haven?" she asks Jax as he walks by.

"Picking up Emma Jean before Nero's crew gets to her. Nero thinks she's innocent."

"Of course because every hooker has a heart of gold." She rolls her eyes. "By all means Jackson rescue the damsel." He leans into the open window. "You're the only person I want to rescue." He kissed her.

"You can't."

"I'm gonna try. Be back."

She watches him walk off "Hey, Ma."

"Hey my baby, how are you?"

She scrunches down in the seat and tries to hide the fact that she's crying from Phil who's driving.

"Not good."

"I know Jenny." Her mother sounds how she feels broken and worn out.

"Is there anything you need me to do? Go look in on Lyla? Take the kids?" her voice cracks. "Go make sure he's dressed and looks okay?"

"I've got it all fixed Jennasis, just show up."

"You shouldn't have to do this Mom."

"Neither should you."

"I feel like I'm dying with him."

"I know, do me a favor and promise me you won't you're all I got left Dumplin' I can't won't lose you too." She watches Jax leave the hotel with high school Barbie hooker.

Jax puts the girl on his bike and they're all speeding off. "I promise Mom." She ducks as bullets start flying. "Shit! Gotta go Mom."

"Are those bullets are you being shot at?"

"I'm fine ma gotta go Love you."

Jenna turns gun in hand and fire back at the guy shooting at them. "What are you doing? You are jax's wife you can't just…"

"People are shooting at me Phil it's called self-defense so yes I can." Jenna sees Jax slip sliding through traffic and cutting it close between cars. "Careful Jackson," No sooner than the words are out of her mouth she sees him lay the bike down and roll a good thirty feet. "Fuck! Jackson!"

-/-/-/-/-

Filthy Phil runs up to Jax after the standoff. "Miss Jen is going ape shit in the van screaming about old accidents and broken promises. Ya gotta cool her off man, trying to keep the lady in the car is like trying to pet a feral rabid cat."

"Shit!" he ran toward the car.

"Damn love," Chibs says then turns to Emma Jean. "You stay put Poppet, his wife is crazy." Then he follows.

Jax finds the car door open and Jennasis sitting with her face in her hands crying. He pulls her hands away. "Breathe baby, I'm fine see?" She runs her hands down his face and arms. "I'm whole baby its okay."

"That scared me." She said trying to catch her breath.

"I know. I'm sorry. "He hugged her. "Right here not going anywhere okay?" she nods cheek brushing his chest.

"You're all scraped up." She sniffs. "Peroxide and band aids. It's fixable." He kissed her.

Chibs runs a hand through her hair. "Ya alright Darlin'?"

"Just…flashed back is all."

"Well your shot saved my arse back there thanks Jenny girl."

"For the record, I better be the only woman on the back of your bike from now til the fuckin' apocalypse."

"At least you know not to put your goddamn feet down. " Jax replied.

-/-/-/-

They all roll into the TM lot and bail out. Jenna hears Jax saying something about thumbs and tits but she doesn't have the energy to care.

"I have more important things to do than make sure you feel worshipped loved and adored like burying my best friend and making sure my wife doesn't collapse so deeply into her grief I can't get her out! Back off Mom!" Jax says. Jenna passed right by Gemma silently.

"Jenny," Gemma said in a placating tone.

"Gemma, I don't have the energy to fake giving a shit. If you love me, leave me alone." She rolled past to go inside.

The hearse rolled into the lot and Jenna sat frozen in the club house doorway. "I can't do this."

"Yes you can." Juice said from behind her. "Just breathe through it Mama." He moved her out of the way tucking her back into a corner so they could carry the casket through.

She goes to follow the casket but Trey and Paige hit her like a sobbing brick wall before she can move. Trey climbs into her lap all long legs and knobby knees. He's nine almost ten now, verging on too big to be held but when Lyla goes to move him. "I've got them go see Ope."

The sound of Opie's name causes a sob to break free from Paige. The noise dies in Jenna's hair where Paige is resting her head near Jenna's shoulder.

"Shh, its ok guys…. It's okay I've got you."

"I want Daddy," Trey says sounding so young it breaks Jenna's heart. "I know buddy, me too!" the tears crowd her eyes and her chest hitches but she never cries not even when Ann stops to kiss her on the forehead before going to the chapel.

Jax takes her mother, Lyla and the kids into the chapel closing the doors behind them. He stays with them and for that Jenna is glad, he must have said something to Lyla because if possible the girl seems lighter.

"Hey are you on anything?" Juice says coming over to her.

"Not since last night."

He hands her a half full tumbler of tequila and she tosses it back in one go. "Damn." Juice murmurs.

"I'm a Winston." Jenna smiles.

-/-/-/-

She's refilling her third glass when Jax emerges from the chapel.

"How many you had?" she holds up three fingers.

"Make it last or eat something for me okay?" she nods.

"Your turn if you want?" he says softly kneels beside her.

She exhales roughly. "Okay." He kisses her softly and stands.

He rolls her through the crowd that's starting to amass. "I feel like I'm walking to the gallows Jackson."

"Ignore them. They just don't know how to help."

"They can't."

"I know."

-/-/-/-

She sits staring at the black lacquer finished casket and wills herself to move toward it after deep breath does so. She thinks absently that you can still smell cigar smoke and the sharp tang of whiskey about the room. It's oddly fitting.

Jax turns away and she catches his wrist. "Stay, please."

"I am, just closing the doors babe."

She rolls over and peers into the casket. He looks calm and at peace. She reaches in to move a strand of hair out of his face.

"Hey Harry. I'm not sure how I supposed to do this." The tears in her eyes make the sight of him swim and blur. "You know when I said you could take this one for me I didn't actually mean that right?" her voice breaks and she feels Jax's hand land softly on her back and slide down and back up.

"I'm trying so hard, not to crumble, to hang on to the good, but mostly I'm trying not to be mad at you." Her breath shakes out. "I am so pissed off at you Harry. I want to yell and scream to hit something hard enough that maybe I won't be so fucking pissed off and broken and goddamn numb!"

"What you did? Was stupid! It was fucking stupid Harry your kids they're orphans now." She yelled.

Jax doesn't say anything. He just holds on to her knowing she's revving up. He places his hands on her shoulders and waits. "Everyone says you are warrior a fucking martyr who was so brave. It was brave it was also fucking selfish! You had people who need you! I needed you! "Tears track down her face. Jax hugs her tight.

"Ma needed you Trey and Paige needed you. Who's going to walk Paige down the aisle or teach Trey how to be a good man? Huh Harry? You? No because you bailed, you clocked the fuck out and left me here with all of it! I am so mad Harry because you broke my heart!" she turned away sobbing harshly into Jax's chest.

-/-/-/-/

Ann stood sentry outside the doors as Gemma strode up. "You aren't going in there Gemma."

"She's causing a scene." Gemma replied lowly.

"Guess what? She has the right. This club is taking everything from her bit by bit. So she has the right to grieve however she pleases. Right now she's mad at Harry, Harry can deal he always has." Gemma stepped to the door.

"Gemma I swear to god you touch that door and I will rip your head off by your Miss clarol roots is that clear."

-/-/-/-

"Shah, baby just breathe…" Jax feels the harsh sobs lessen as she calms down. He kisses the top of her hand rubs her back with one hand the other still holding on to her.

"He broke a promise to me. He'd never done that before Jax."

"What promise?"

"That he'd never leave me."

"I know that wasn't his intention." She wiped her eyes send drugged off Jax's light hold turning back to the coffin.

"I'm still mad but I need you to know something Ope, you were the best friend I have ever had, thank you. Thank you for loving me more than anyone else even when you didn't have too. Especially because you didn't have too. You taught me how to trust, and believe in people. You always listened even if it was about Jax, thank you for that. Most of all thank you for teaching me how to love because let's face it as hard as they tried they weren't the best examples in how to love something and still give it freedom. I love you. I am going to miss you so very much. Say hi to Donna and kiss Dad for me. See you later Bubba." She exhaled.

Tears burned Jax's eyes and he cleared his throat. "Is there something you'd like to put in with him?" Jenna pulled two photos from her jacket.

She showed them to Jax. In one Opie's toothlessly smiling holding a baby with a shock of bright red hair. The second is recent and they sit leaned close together Jenna's arm extended as she snaps the picture.

"First and last picture?" she nods.

"Joss has something of mine that I want to leave with Ope, could you go get it from her?" he looks at her oddly but does her bidding. He's shocked when the blonde hands over the bullet casing bracelet with a bullet casing charm with Onyx in the center added.

He returns. "I am done losing people, so I'm letting Ope have it for safe keeping until we meet again." She nestles things inside. She smiled sadly. "Mama put Mr. Binks in with him. Jenna points to blue stuffed kitten.

"Mr. Binks?"

"His lovey, like Abel's Mister Toad?"

"Oh."

"Okay." She sighs. "We can go."

She turns to walk out and there in Opie's seat his leather jacket lays draped across it.

"Jax did you?"

"No."

"Maybe Lyla?"

"No."

"Jax he was never in the clubhouse after getting arrested."

"Maybe he just wants you to have it."

She removes her own red leather jacket and puts Opie's on instead.

-/-/-/-/

She sits at a table near the doors and watch people going in and out. Jax kisses her and points to the roof hatch.

"Okay," she stuffs her hands in the jacket pockets and comes up with a peppermint, a joint, and a guitar pick from her last real show. It makes her smile and cry all at once. Chibs comes over and hands her a worn black bandana. "Just hang on love, it's all you can really do for true pain wait it out and let it dull to a manageable place." He kisses her cheek and leaves her to clean up her face.

Tara sits down across from her and plops down a full plate. "Eat."

"I'm not hungry." She says dryly.

"I know that do it anyway, you're hypoglycemic the bottom's gonna drop out Jen."

"What if it comes back up?"

"Then I'll give you Zofran. Start with the fruit salad dessert thing, your mother made it so a sweetbutt hasn't spit in it and its high in natural sugar."

Jenna smirks. "Did you spit in it?"

Tara chuckles. "Bite me bitch."

"Why do you care Tara?"

"We're friends remember. Though I do wonder how it happened."

"Yes we are the best part? It freaks Jackson the fuck out."

-/-/-/-/-

She listens to Sunshine of all people tell a funny story about the first time he met Opie and being called "Jax 2.0" all weekend.

She asks Joss to help her set up her guitar and microphone. "You have a minion, Gem would be proud." Tig teased. As the girl walked off.

She rolls her eyes. "She's a friend. I think…" The girl brings the guitar over. "Thank you."

She taps the microphone. "Hey can y'all hear me?"

Juice whoops at her from across the bar. "Just one song but thanks for the enthusiasm Juicy. I didn't really wanna do this but I feel like I need too. To let go the right way so please just stick with me on this give me a minute because this is quite possibly the hardest thing I've done or will ever do." She pulls a piece of paper from the pocket of her jeans.

" I listen to you all saying all these great things and sharing your memories of Opie. They're all lovely and make me smile but… none of you knew the guy I knew. So it's different for me. Mom, Lyla, Paige, Trey, we all carry around different stuff. Mom wanted me to do his eulogy but I can't-"her voice cracks.

"I can barely breathe. "

"I don't know what to share or say, do, because I don't know how to live in a world without him. I can say though that Opie held so much pride in all of you, in the club. It meant more to him than just a patch and some leather. It was a connection with my dad, an experience with his best friends and our biggest battle. I was watching my kids play last night and…" she swallowed down her tears.

"You all say he was your brother and I mean no disrespect when I say this but he was only ever my brother in the truest sense of the word." She smiled sadly at Trey and Paige who sit near the back with her mother.

"Mom says that we were weird because we never really got tired of each other. Sure he'd walk up and crunch ice right next to my ear because I hated the noise or he'd listen in on phone calls and pick on me but we were never intentionally mean or spiteful maybe that is rare. I am seven years younger than Harry, and I know it bugged but I followed him everywhere from about three to thirteen where ever he was I wasn't far behind. Jax may have been the sexiest guy I knew but Ope was the coolest."

"And when he went somewhere without me? I'd sit on the front porch steps and wait for him to come back. If heaven has front porch steps I hope he's waiting on me."

"Uh, in our house we grew up loving music and we used to send each other songs that we thought the other would like. I got this song in an email about six months ago with this note attached." She unfolded the paper and read.

Jen,

It's about three forty in the morning and I made you go to sleep a few hours ago. Arie and I are still awake and waiting for those teeth of hers to come in. anyway, she's dosing and I am afraid to move and wake the baby dragon. I am very bored. You really should not let me surf ITunes. I bought Call Me Maybe. Damn Paige and her musical crack." Paige and some of the guys laugh. Jenna continues. "Seriously though, I found this song and it sounds like our life so just listen and ignore the sweet caress lyric other than that one line its perfect. I love you.-Ope

P.S. Arizona snores.

"This is called the shape of us." Jenna began to strum. Trying to find the proper key.

"Can I sing harmony?" Paige called out.

Jenna gave her a watery smile. "Yeah."

They got her set up with a microphone. "A very little known fact, Dad could sing too, he just didn't because he wanted to be tough. He sang to me though and he really liked this one. So here's to you Dad!"

Jenna strummed "Higher? Lower?"

"That's good."

"You're no longer alone, We've found a space to name our own there ain't no need to fret or fuss we've got all the strength we need in the shape of us, in the shape of us ummm mmm, in the shape of us." She watches as various big bad bikers begin to lose it. As she scans the room she can't find Jax so she locks eyes on her mother and sings like the rest of the world isn't watching.

-/-/-/-

Drifting up through the hatch Jax can hear Jennasis clear as a bell. "And I know you've had it tough the road's been bumpy and rough, but say goodbye to a world that you once knew. I have every faith in me and you hold my hand hold my heart. Let go of your fears, Darlin' I will always be here." He listens to her play the bridge and something inside him just lets go. Maybe its Jenna's tear and sorrow filled voice and her very unique way of letting Opie go. Telling him as best she can goodbye. Maybe it's something in the song itself or maybe it's that he's just now realized that Ope's really gone and that short of Jenna no one will miss him more than Jax himself.

It's any one of those things; it's all off those things that make him cry, deep and heartbroken like he hasn't in years on that silent rooftop under a black velvet nearly starless night sky.

The only thing that reins it in is Jenna's voice as she finishes the song to an utterly silent house.

He listens to her sing the final verse. Thinking Opie was right the song did speak to their relationship in a very true way.

"I'll take care of her." He whispers into the quiet unsure if he's talking to Ope, Piney, or God.

"It's time." Bobby shouts up.

-/-/-/-/-

Jax walks through the club and makes eye contact with some of the people on his way into the chapel and there's something heavy and numbing in the short walk and then once he sees Jenna sitting at the door with "I love you" and apologies in her eyes it all to real again.

He's glad he cried in privacy because seeing Opie in that box and laying his piece of history in with him is a bit too much and the world goes watery at the edges. "See you later Brother." The casket closed and hefted they start the trudge out.

Jenna grabs his hand as they go by in reassurance but he makes a descion in the moment. He pulls her in front of him. "Walk him out with me?" She nods.

They all walk him out. His family and his club Jenna, Jax, the casket, Trey, Paige, Ann, Lyla and Gemma. Then the other club members and friends.

-/-/-/-

Jenna walks him out head held high and tearless. Jax closes the hearse door with a resounding thud. She hears too much in the sound. She hears finality, Opie is dead and gone.


	4. Episode 5: Static

Jax lies awake unable to sleep. Jenna sleeps soundly only because Tara had shoved Ambien at her. He leans up on to one arm and watches her a moment.

Normally Jenna is sprawled across him at some funky angle. Today though she lay curled on her side facing away from him. It's a small odd thing that shouldn't bother him but it does. It's like a marker of how unsettled they both are. He leans over "I love you." He whispers into her ear and kisses her cheek she doesn't stir so he gets up and goes for a ride.

-/-/-/-/-

Jenna reads Jax's note, takes the kids to day care and promptly goes right back home and crawls into bed. That's just how Jax finds her too, only she's watching something on Netflix.

He cocks his head to peer at the television. "Dawson's Creek? Really Jen?"

"I was feeling retro and don't call me Jen."

_Opie…_ Jax thinks "Jenna, I know you're spinning but babe people are going to call you Jen without thinking about it."

"Okay so I have like an hour before my next meeting scoot over and tell me what's happening!"

"Really?" she seems surprised but scoots over.

"Yeah Jesus James Vander Beek's forehead is huge…" he comments and she smirks and leans her head on this shoulder.

"Well aside from the fact that Katie Holmes talks without ever moving her mouth both fascinates and anyone's the ever living crap out of me. Let's see Dawson and Joey are all happy happy joy joy in love… really kind of sickening though I appreciate the whole loving one person your whole life angle. Pacey's sweet on the crazy chick Andie, and the still closeted Jack loves Joey and Jen isn't over Dawson!"

"I've always had a thing for Michelle Williams, Oh and I'm opening up another branch of Diosa with Nero."

"Baby you really have no definition of the word segue do you? You're what?" she leans away from him to look into his eyes.

Jax holds up his hands in the universal sign for don't shoot. "Now before you yell just hear me out, it's a legal above board way to earn. Nero has all the requirements and it gives Lyla and the other Caracara girls steady work it's not gun or drug money but it's enough to float on."

"I swear to God Jackson if Ima-"

"I want you to run it. You don't have to hire her if you don't want too." She gives him the look he's come to recognize as "I can't tell if you are smart or dumb as a post."

"You want me to run a whore house? I'm a mechanic Jax."

"I know but you practically run the front office for Mom anyway. You'd be like a den mother Lyla would run reception."

"Jax-"She sounds unconvinced and mildly pissed off.

"I need eyes there Jenna someone I can trust to have our family's best interest at heart and that's you. You can avoid Clay and Ma easier too." And he knows he's got her. He waits for it.

"Trial run only." She relents with a huff.

He leans over and kisses her. "Thanks."

"You've made me a madam; I deserve way more than a thank you." She holds up a huge bag of Reese's pieces "Want some?" he gets comfortable in the bed and pours some candy into his hand.

"I need you to go see Otto for me." He crunches on the candy "see if you can get him to recant his testimony."

"Alright, I'll test Joss see if she's as loyal as Hap says."

"Wait, she's Happy's girlfriend? Like someone he goes to the movies with and like dates?"

"I believe so yes that is the general idea for dating someone." She says trying to laugh at him.

"It's weird, why does she look so familiar?" she looks over at him.

"Hap didn't tell you?"

"No…Tell me what Jenna?" His brows crunch together.

"She's Marcus Alvarez's niece. She's Nasty Nic's kid."

"What the hell!" he half yells.

"Don't scream at me! I didn't pick her. ! Don't even really get it I mean she's all book wormy and smart and… I couldn't screw Hap he scares me."

"Good to know."

"Why are you watching this?"

"I like it." She scowls at the ugly purple top Jen has on "Though, nineties fashion Jesus Christ. It's like retinal rape."

Jax laughs nodding in agreement "I had a lot of plaid."

"You still do babe, you are just a really sexy fashion tragedy."

"Dawson Leery is gay you get that right babe?"

She shrugged. "I'm a Pacey kinda girl anyway."

"The things I learn being married to you are unsettling, I need to borrow your truck."

"Why?"

"A crazed Irish dickhead shot my bike."

"You'll owe me. Big time, sexually."

"I'll gladly pay up." He wiggled his eye brows at her.

"I'm not doing that thing you like Jackson."

"Prude."

"Slut in leather."

Jax laughs. "That one was funny." They cuddle together and watch the show until Jax has to leave. Jax knows even though they're teasing and playing that Jenna's sadness lurks at the edges.

-/-/-/-/-  
Jax stops off at the shop to disconnect Jenna's hand controls so he doesn't rip Jenna's baby to shreds when his Mom walks up as he's getting in the truck.  
"Nero's giving me the brush off you do that?" She leans on the truck.  
"What if I did?"

"You got no right to shit on that it doesn't touch SAMCRO." She fairly screams at him

"I'm going into business with him Ma and I won't have whatever this shit is mixing with it. You barely know him Ma, and you have whatever the fuck it is you and Clay are now so, I think there's more than enough on your plate." He snaps back.

"This is because of the thing with John, your hate for Clay is rubbing off on me."

"It's connected, you're connected. There's a whole lotta hate I feel right now and I just can't separate it all." He confesses.

"Don't hate me Jax you're the only thing left I love." She kisses his cheek.

He looks at her closely measuring for the truth in the statement. "You love me? Then help me, help Jennasis." He looks off a moment to reign in his emotions. Then looks back." because my tough beautiful fucking incredible wife is sleeping her days away watching crappy TV and eating hordes of junk food. Jenna doesn't wallow , she doesn't fake it with me and she is Mom it scares me! I found her watching Dawson's Creek if I didn't know better I'd think she was on drugs!"

Gemma smiled sadly. "She's not on drugs baby," Gemma fixes his shirt collar. "She's trying to feel safe. You love the adult Jenny, little girl Jenny? Fifteen year old Jenny loved the show because it was an escape. It's everything her life's not. Happy whole families and loves that last life times. It's about dreamers and having faith. Jenny had big dreams baby, you just happened to be the one that won. I'll go see her but you have to let her do this at her own pace no matter how hard it is to watch. Because in some ways she lost her soul mate and you never really recover from it."

"Soul mate?"

" You are the absolute love of her life but Opie was her soul mate."

-/-/-/-/-

Gemma unlocks and walks into the house. The cat Fred snakes in and out of her legs, "I did not raise cat people."

"Birds are creepy," Jenna says from the couch where she laid listening to her IPod and staring at the ceiling.

"You've made it out of bed. That's progress." Jenna shrugs. "I got tired of the bedroom."

"Are you high?" Gemma sits down next to her.

"Only on Xanax Tara gave it to me, to level me out."

"It working?"

"Nope not really, why are you here?" Jenna grabs a cigarette and lights it.

"Jax is worried about you, and he wants to heal it your pain." Jenna takes a hit then passes it to Gemma.

She exhales shaking her head. "He can't Tommy died when Jax was eight. He doesn't get how empty I feel, how guilty, and fucking pissed off I feel all of the time. Every single second, of every single day I hurt. I can't stop feeling it all and Jax feels nothing Gemma! He hasn't cried hasn't yelled at me hasn't done anything. How can we fix each other when we can reach each other?"

Gemma flicks ash into a dead potted plant from Piney's funeral. She never could teach Baby, how to be green thumb.

"Stop trying so hard, you are both so sad, be sad but keep living. Feel it deal with it in whatever way works and then move on. Some part of you is always going to be sad. Those parts of you that died with all of them. Especially Ope that part of you that could believe because he never changed, all those parts of you only he knew took a hit and will never be the same. Accept it, let it go and move on."

"And the guilt and all the hate I feel for myself and others what do I do with that?" She stared Gemma down.

"Live with it and refuse to let it kill you."

"Why?"

"Because you have to live in his place now, and besides that if I knew one thing about Opie it's that he did what he did with no regrets, he knew what he was getting into. He wouldn't want you to feel guilty for his choice. He took care of you and you took care of him. People forget that, they forget that you were the one making sure his kids we're safe and that he didn't do something stupid when he was spiraling. It's not a one way street Jenny; you were a team from the start."

"I thought he was okay Gem, drifting but okay. I thought may be space would do him good. Standing on his own without the club would show him it's possible to do it different. He smiled at me last week really smiled; I don't even remember what I did… I just…I thought it was okay to focus elsewhere for five seconds. Then he goes and does that. I should have stopped him." She reaches over and brushes Jenna's hair bend her ear.

"You couldn't have stopped him if you'd tried; you Winston's are an unbelievably stubborn lot. All of you."

"It made me a survivor that's for sure."

"Then survive Jenny, don't let it kill you. Come on let's take a bath you're a bit grubby my love." She patted Jenna's knee.

"I want to hate you but I'm too tired."

"I'll take it."

=/=/=/=

Jenna showers and dresses then goes to the shop to clean out Opie's work locker and to make sure none of his stuff is still in the clubhouse apartment.

There's music emanating from the club but the shop is empty. Lights are on which helps since dusk is falling and being alone there always creeps her out. She rolls back through the office and into the tiny break room. She rolls to Opie's locker and pulls off his duct tape name plate.

She opens the locker.

Keys to his truck and tool boxes hang on the hook along with his bike rucksack. Nestled into the top cubby hole are Lava hand soap, leather polish and coil of explosives fuse.

A hoodie and a welding visor are stuffed in the bottom. She stuffs the things in her bag trying not thinking too much. It's the photos and little notes taped to the locker door that is her undoing. Pictures of Donna, Trey, and Paige, in one Trey is just a baby and Paige a pudgy five year old in her tutu.

She takes it down. ** Paige's first recital. ** Is written in Donna's bold and flourishing script. One of Donna watching the sunrise from the back of Opie's bike. ** A cross country ride. Just thought she looked pretty-PW.** Hm, her Dad had taken that one. Next is one of herself, Opie and Jax standing covered in grease next to the Indian? She flips it over to see her own hand writing. **The ever proud Anarchy bloodline.**

This particular photo used to sit on the mantle in her own home. Jax must of given this one to him.

There's a note pad with hastily written reminders on it.

**Fix stick shift on the Jeep & teach Paige to drive.**

**Daughter Crow for Jenny's band name.**

**Do something nice for Lyla.**

**Remember Trey's tooth fairy money.**

She brushes her fingertips across the words. A hand lands on her shoulder and she jumps. "Just me love." Chibs hands her his bandana again and kisses her temple as he pulls her into a hug.

"I didn't even know I was crying." Chibs nods. "Grief makes time slip away from you. It's part of it."

"You've lost a lot haven't you Chibs."

"Fiona isn't dead."

"Just because someone is alive doesn't mean they can't be gone." Jenna hugs him.

He clears his throat. "You sing. It'll help to get it all out."

"I can't."

"You will."

-/-/-/-

Jax apparently had thought ahead and cleaned out the club apartment. Opie's things sit in a card board box on the table. She goes to retrieve it and Jax's journal lay open on the desk.

The latest entry catches her eye. She reads it and sees Jax's pain and confusion in the words. She thinks of what Gemma told her earlier.

She picks up the purple ink pen she uses to write lyrics and adds to it.

-/-/-/-

Jax goes back to the club house to gather his things before going home. He picks up the journal and sees Jenna's addition.

"Purple baby? Honestly why not just rip my balls off altogether." He smiles chagrined.

He reads: _"You're right Jackson about all of it. The hate, losing pieces of who we are when all we're trying to do is be better. You forgot something though, in order to hate something you have to love it first. Love is the other side of hate. Remember what you love and who you love and why you love and maybe it won't crush you after all. I'd understand if you hated me too, my careless actions played a hand in Opie's death and I will forever pay for it, but I love you and I know I haven't shown you that recently but I'm trying Jax. I love you so much there aren't words for it. I'm sorry I haven't been your rock lately, I know you lost something you held dear when you lost him and I can never express how sorry I am or how much it saddens me to see you in pain as well. For what its worth I love you like no other ever will please hang on to that and wait for me to come back to myself again. Jenna._

-/-/-/-

Jax comes home to a sleeping house. He goes in and checks on Zona to find his mother holding her. He removes the bottle from Arizona's mouth and sits on it the chest of drawers. He covers them up. He leans down to kiss Arizona. "I love you Zona girl, night my little lady."

"Goodnight Ma." He turns out the light and leaves. He goes to Abel's room but he's not there, he finds him in their bed curled up against Jenna's side arms thrown around her neck.

He smiles genuinely for the first time days. "Mama's boy." He picks him up.

"Sleep mama." Abel murmurs half asleep.

Jenna wakes. "I told him he could. He got jealous of Arie and Gemma." Jax lays him back down.

He leans over and kisses Jenna hard on the mouth "You're the one thing aside from our children that I do not hate you got that?"

She nods. "And I love you too. He adds.

He strips down and climbs in bed. "He's going to kick me." He whines and Jenna laughs for what seems like the first time in ages.

He loves that sound.

**I do not own Dawson's Creek or SoA I do however own Jenna and Arizona! Please review if you feel inclined!**


	5. Episode 6: You Bury Me

They both get up early to start their day. When Arizona cries Jenna freezes amid brushing her teeth "Shh, maybe it'll stop."

"Jenna I can't piss quietly." She rolls her eyes at him tooth brush hanging out of her mouth.

"I'll rock, paper, scissors, you for it? Loser gets them ready." She replies.

He finishes using the bathroom. "Alright. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot." He loses scissors to rock.

"Two out of three?" He offers.

"No." he groans but goes to Zona's room.

He turns on Arizona's light to see her standing in the crib gnawing on the wood railing. Her hair going forty ways to Sunday and her diaper sagging. "Morning baby," he walks over to her bed and steps on one of Abel's Legos "Ow Fuck!" He swears and Zona smiles.

"You can't repeat shit yet can you? Your brother just kinda started talking one day."

She smiles wider at him and he can see two bottom teeth. "Dada!"

"Hey baby, you sleep good?" he begins trying to pat her hair down into place. "You certainly got my bed head gene." He kissed the top of her head.

He lifts her out of the crib and changes her diaper just Abel is getting up.

"Gotta pee, pee!" he announces to the whole house. "Ok! Remember aim inside the potty son." Jax hollers back.

"Potty locked!" Abel cries and Jax can tell he's on the verge of a pee pee dance. "Shit sorry bub! I'm coming he fastens Arie's diaper and picks her up. He carries her in and unlocks the toilet seat for Abel and helps him get undressed with one hand.

Everyone's bladder relived he takes them to get dressed.

"AJ you can pick out your outfit from your closet not the laundry basket like last time." He states and watches him scamper off.

He rounds into the bedroom to see Jenna getting dressed. "Jenna! "

"Five feet from you baby don't yell!"

"What do I put the baby in?"

"The little giraffe bubble suit and leg warmers in the top drawer." She says putting on a bra.

"Nice rack!" he comments as he walks away. She laughs. "Thanks."

-/-/-/-

He gets the baby out of her pajamas and goes to grab his knife to cut the tags off the little leg warmer sock things.

"Daddy's sorry!" he tells her and Arizona crawls off. "Baby! I don't think she wants to wear this its ugly!"

"Your mom bought it!"

"Still, I'll pick something else."

He changes her into a teal and black "Harley Baby." Shirt and Jeans. He grabs her sparkly pink squeaker shoes. "You want to wear your locator shoes today?"

She pulls his beard and laughs. "Ouch! Zona!" She laughs and does it again. "Ow you're gonna make me cry!" He plays along.

"Yeah right!" Jenna pokes her head in. "Scrambled or fried my love?"

"Scrambled."

"You're doing good but Abel has his shoes on the wrong feet." Jenna adds while rolling into the kitchen

Jax appears at the kitchen table holding Arie around the middle against his chest Abel standing in a Thomas the Tank engine t – shirt jeans and sneakers holding Jax's free hand.

Jenna smiles brightly. "You even did Zona's hair."

"Top knot was mostly easy. I love you please never leave me, this was difficult."

Jenna snickers. "Couldn't lose me if you tried."

Jenna laid the last of the breakfast plates on the table before going in retrieving the baby from Jax's arms. "She was making a face like you were squeezing her to death." She said grinning up at him.

Jax sits down at the table and pulls Abel into his lap. He peers over at Jenna. She's dressed conservatively in a long-sleeved top and jeans, her hair was pulled back and she wore very little makeup.

"You don't really look like yourself today." He stated.

She shrugged, "The prison makes me nervous I just thought it would be best if I kept it low key and hid anything telling that could connect me as your wife." She pours his coffee. "No touching." She warns Abel as he reaches for the coffee mug.

"Don't you think that your last name is more telling than your old lady tatt?" he teased.

"I'm going into the high-security section of the prison to talk to a death row inmate. I don't think the fact that I would prefer to be covered up is that much of stretch Jackson."

"Point taken." He replied digging in to his breakfast. "Though you have known Otto since you were eight and he's nearly blind I don't think he'll be making any advances."

"True, but if it's all the same to you I'll take precautions anyway." She said as she reached across the table for the toast. She handed Arie a piece of dry toast before handing Abel a buttered one.

"Alright, I get it Otto isn't used to human contact it's probably better that you change up who you are a little bit. Because he doesn't really know you now and probably only sees you as Piney's kid

They eat breakfast and talk some more before parting ways.

-/-/-/-/-

Jenna drops the kids off at day care. She goes to the lot just as Jax is getting out of morning church.

"Hey baby," Jax called walking toward her.

"Hey, productive meeting?" She asks watching Happy embrace Joss near the clubhouse doors.

"It was, I got a lead on the security guard who put Opie's execution in motion. What are you looking at?"

Jenna nods over to where the pair stands. "You think I can trust her?" Jax looks over his shoulder. "Yeah, I think so. I mean, she is doing what you ask so that's a good sign."

She switches trains of thought. "So, what are you going to do with the guard? "

"What would you do?"

"Touche' my love." She grins slightly. "Just don't get arrested okay, once was enough in the past month thank you."

"You're starting to sound like your mother." He teased.

She gave an airless chuckle. "President or not, I will knock you out."

He laughed and leaned over to kiss her goodbye. "I gotta go, but call me when you go into see Otto and when you come out please."

"If I didn't know better I'd say you were scared for me."

"Just because I need you to do this it doesn't mean that I like it or that I trust anyone where you're going."

"All right, I hear you. Be careful today and try to think before you act please."

"Will do." He replies and she watches him walk off as Joss approaches.

And once the girl reaches Jenna's truck. "If you want to bail, now is the time to do it". Jenna said.

Joss shook her head. "If I say I'm going to do something. I do it, you don't have to worry, and I'm not going anywhere."

"Well all right then." Jenna replies not bothering to put up a fight.

-/-/-/=

Once in the car on the way to Stockton prison Joss tries to strike up conversation with Jenna.

"So how are you?" She asked, watching Jenna closely.

Jenna was hoping for a quiet and peaceful ride with nothing but the radio to keep her company but obviously her passenger has other ideas.

"I'm sure you're a perfectly sweet girl Joss so please don't take this the wrong way I'm not having the "Oh your brothers dead let me make sure you are ok to ease my conscience conversation" with you. I'm fine otherwise Jackson wouldn't have let me out of the house to do his bidding. Especially with something this important. So, let's talk about anything else."

"Fair enough, so I heard that when you and Jax started dating Opie gave you flack." Joss glanced at her.

Jenna smiled. "He gave us hell. Why do you ask?"

"My brother doesn't like Happy."

Jenna scowls. "Nic doesn't have any other children." Jenna shrugged "I had Juice check you out for Hap's safety, nothing personal I'm not Gemma I'll vet the girls all of you to be sure for the boys."

"I'm adopted. My brother got the upstanding white bread family. I got the Martinez's which is fine they've always done right by me."

"Right, Blonde white girl with a Mexican name I'd of figured it out eventually."

"My birth name is Jo Sarah Toric." Jenna Laughed loudly.

"I'm sorry that's just mean!"

"You can see why I use the Spanish pronunciation."

"Anyway, all your brother sees is an ex con covered in tatts." Jenna said lighting a cigarette as they stopped at a red light. "Best thing to do, wait him out or get a new boyfriend because Happy will never go down easy. He's just harsh and scar by nature. The one thing that worked in my favor Ope loved Jax as much as he loved me. You don't have that luxury."

"So just wait him out?"

"Well, that all depends on whether or not you think Happy is worth fighting for. If you love him, then it's not really a choice and if your brother loves you then he'll see that and eventually accept your choice."

"I love Happy."

"Really what do you love about him?" Jenna glances at her a slight smirk pilling at her mouth

"I love that he is good to his mother, he tends her flower beds for her now that she is too ill to do it herself. I love how committed he is to his club and his friends. I love knowing that he would take a bullet for any one of us without giving it a second thought." Jenna noted the dreamy quality of the girl's voice.

"You got it bad don't you girl?" She stated. Chuckling.

"I guess."

"Make your choice Joss and stick to it and you'll be fine."

"Just so you know Jennasis I wasn't asking about Ope out of pity, I was asking because I've been there my cousin died a few years back for club shit. We were close." Now that Joss mentioned it Jenna did remember Opie telling her about a club beef just before she came back where Marcus had shanked his own son.

Somehow she didn't think Joss knew that particular detail. "I'm okay. I'm here and right now that's about all I can be…just here." Jenna answers and turns up the radio and listens to George Strait sing about heaven.

-/-/=/=

Jenna secretly hates the prison and is incredibly nervous. She shakes out her nerves and takes a deep breath. She picks up the braille and audiobooks Otto had requested. She looks to the guard opening the cell door. "Stay within shouting distance please."

"Yes Ma'am."

She rolls into the cell. "Otto its Jennasis Winston-Teller. I'm going to put your books and tapes on the left corner of the table." She puts the books down and turns to him.

"Jenny Winnie finally got her man huh?"

"No calls me Jenny Winnie anymore but yes I did. He's why I'm here it seems you turned on us because of a lie. Bobby didn't kill Luann Georgie Crusoe did, Bobby however kill Crusoe. You brought RICO down on us, on the entire goddamned organization not just Bob. Otto, you have gotta fix this. The club will repay you anyway way they can." He tracks her voice and looks over at her.  
"Get on your knees." He says dryly standing over her.

"Can't. Remember? Even if I could I wouldn't. "

"Sweet moral Jenny. You can't and I won't how fitting."

"My morals aren't even a part of this." She cocked her head to look up at him "But then, I think you know that. You have the ability to give me what I need Otto, I want out but I want out clean and whole. The only way to do that is to be the old lady I was born to be and follow Jax's lead on this. Turn over Otto."

"Why do you want out? Why now? Jax was all you'd ever wanted. Hell, Luann always said you reminded her of a more pure version of herself. You're a walk through fire on broken glass just to die by your side kind of woman. You're committed."

She nods though he can't see it. "There are certain words and phrases from long dead languages that can't be translated into English, because we don't have the words to express it. There's an old Vietnamese phrase that Dad used to say to my mom. I can't even spell it much less say it but in essence it means "You bury me." Meaning that you love someone so unspeakably irrevocably much that you can't face existence a second without them that they'll be forced to bury you first because you'd die without them. Opie was my "You bury me." And I buried him. I want to die every single day. The only thing making it half way bearable is Jax. He will bury me. I will not be his you bury me. In order to do that he needs out and you have to turn over."

"Pretty words, but I can't do what you need."

"I knew you'd say that but I'll be back." She reached out and squeezed his hand. Otto inhaled sharply at the touch as though it had burned.

"I'm sure." He replies coolly moving his hand away.

"I brought you a braille bible. Oh and Otto? I won't tell Jackson you told me to blow you. Because I can still remember the guy who taught me to drive and the woman who fixed my crooked pigtails. No matter how hard you're trying to make me forget I still remember."

-/-/-/-

The kids are down for the night and Jenna sees her electric guitar standing next to her piano. It's covered in bright colored sticky notes.

"Play me." A pink one reads.

"You'll feel better." A blue one.

"Just play the damn thing Jenna!"" A green one.

A scribbled on orange one with a side note (Abel's contribution translates loosely into "Music Mama!") Jenna laughs smiling

"I love you! - Jax "the final yellow reads she sticks them all to the front of her piano. "I love you too Jackson."

-/-/=/-

Jax and Bobby walk in through the kitchen and are greeted by "Back in Black." Playing rather loudly Jax follows the sound Bobby trails behind "How are your kids sleeping through this?"

"They probably aren't but I'll take it." He says standing in living room door way watching Jenna play.

"Well I'm back, Yes I'm back, I'm baaack, and I'm back in black." She kicks into the last guitar solo.

"Jen-"Bobby starts.

"Let her finish or I'll hurt you." Jax warns.

When the last note dies Jax claps. "Nice my Jenna."

"Sorry, I know its loud thought I was by myself."

You're fine." Jax walk over and leans down to kiss her.

"What was that for?" she asked.

"I missed you."

"More!" Abel calls out and Arizona snores into the baby monitor.

"Go back to sleep AJ, Mama's sorry." Jenna calls back.

-/-/-/=

"So, Otto proved more resistant than we planned but I'll keep trying." Jenna says setting her coffee mug down. "How'd your day go?" She asks.

"I killed the guard. With a snow globe of all things."

"How do you feel now?" Jenna replies watching him closely.

"About the same."

"Makes sense all the death in the world won't bring him back Jackson. It won't ever feel right enough any of it. I thought it would trying to kill Clay but instead all the pain just gets bigger but at least it's dealt with."

"Yeah."

"What aren't you telling me? I know there's something, I can see it." Jax sighs at her prodding and runs his hand down his face.

"I pulled us in deeper with Pope."

"How?" Jenna hedges reeling her quick anger in

"More drugs a bigger haul."

"Are you insane? Are you totally fucked in the head Jax? That guy makes Tig look like Mr. Rogers." Her eyes widen and her voice raises "He will kill you in a flash, he will kill us all. He had Opie killed Jax he had my brother killed and you are giving him more to work with buddying up! How fucking dare you why not just spit on Harry's grave and be done with it?" tears brimmed in her eyes and her palms itched with the need to slap him.

She tries to leave and he stands up grabs her face. He squats down in front of her. "Listen to me baby. Please just listen that's not what I'm doing I have a plan but I need his trust and that's the only way I could get it was to up the stakes Darlin."

"You have a plan." She says plainly trying to calm down as Jax wipes her tears with his thumbs.

"I have a plan and I would tell you if I could I swear but I need things to shake out a certain way first. He's going to pay okay? Karma will get him. I need you to trust me though okay? I need you trust that I'm not spitting on Ope's sacrifice."

"I trust you." She sniffles and ignores Bobby staring them down.

"Thank you." He kissed her forehead and turned to put Abel back to bed he made it three steps before turning back.

"Let's go do something you and me only? Go up to the cabin or something?"

"Uh Dad died there no dice."

"I'll have the prospects clean it. He wouldn't want you to be afraid of the place."

"It's really shitty when you make valid points. Okay I'll go." She relents.

-/-/-/-

He's the last one up and stands at the end of the bed watching Jenna sleep. "What is it you used to tell me Ope, no amount of love will heal her? Only time. I still want to love it out of her but this time there's a difference I've got the time and strength to do this right. I'm gonna stick by her. Keep an eye on her anyway will you?" he kissed her temple and got into bed.

* * *

**AN: The "You bury me." Dead language thing is real I just can't remember which language and went with Vietnamese to make it fit the story, I only own Jenna, Arizona, and Joss, I do not own anything else. Please review, lastly I'm sorry for the story delay it's not coming to me as easy this year! Thanks for sticking by me all this time! ~Meghan**


	6. Episode 7: Slow Gains

"Your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck. I'm falling for your eyes but they don't know me yet." Jenna sang picking Jax's hand up off the center console to hold it.

"Are you singing to me?" he asked grinning He threaded their fingers together and squeezed her hand lightly.

She nodded and continued. "This feels like falling in love, kiss me like you wanna be loved, wanna be loved. I'm in love now."

"You're so damn cheesy Jenna. You're smiling though so I 'll take it." He smiles at her and then looks back at the parking lot before them.

Jax pulls into Diosa Norte and cuts the engine. He undid his seat belt and leaned aross the console to kiss her.

"What was that for?" she asked.

"You told me to kiss you. So I am." She laughed and kissed him.

-/-/-/-

"They've been at it a while should we break it up?" Lyla asked Gemma As she shielded her eyes from the sun and watched them

"Turn the hose on em' "She replied dryly.

"That's just wrong, they're both still dressed and he ain't paying for it." Nero said.

-/-/-/-

There's a knock on Jenna's window and the break apart to see Gemma staring them down.

"No longer turned on." Jenna whispers.

"Me either. My mom the boner killer." He returns quietly and shoots his mother a nasty glare.

They get out of the car and head in. "That was the most action I've had in a month. Thanks for ruining it Ma."

"You could always sample the merch Son." Gemma advises trailing behind the pair.

"Over my dead my body." Jenna replied.

Jenna rolls in and looks around. "Well still looks like a bordello but at least the life sized naked wall art is gone." Jax chuckles and kisses the top of her head.

Lyla hugs her tightly. "Come on, I was just giving the guys a tour. You can join."

-/-/-/-

She has the girls line up in front reception and then begins her speech.

"I'm Jennasis Teller I'm your employer along with Nero and Jackson I have a few rules for you I'm sure the boys do not. Do not bring your kids here, this is not your day care, no freebies, what you do in your own time is your business but you will not service any of the Sons while on the clock without them paying for your time. I mean it too boys I catch you here sampling and you'll be banned from the establishment. Juice I know the short one on the end ticks all your boxes so you've been warned." She glances down at her clipboard. "You will undergo random drug testing and STD screens ladies. Lastly, ladies you sleep with flirt with or kiss my husband and you will be fired on the spot and will not be asked to return." She stared them all down and added, "Ima you are only here for the money you bring in you touch him I won't fire you I'll kill you. So I suggest you not even so much as look at Jax." She smiles Just a little when Ima visibly recoils.

Jax grins laughing. "That's my baby."

"No one asked you!" She snipes at Jax without any real heat.

"Bossy Jenna is one of my boxes. Tick away Darlin'." She rolls her eyes and he grins.

"Shut up! Listen ladies, I come across harsh and most times I mean too I'm a bitch and I don't hide it but if you need something or someone to listen I'm good at that too! Be on time do your job and we'll get along just fine." She finished good naturedly.

A tall woman in the back raises her hand. "Hi I'm Venus." she said in a put on southern accent.

"Yes."

"I may have kissed your husband before I knew to whom he belonged."

Jenna choked on air. "Excuse me but aren't you... um do you prefer transgendered or transvestite?"

"Transgendered. "

"Alright then, "She replied calmly glancing at Jax. "Uh Jax I'm curious…"

Jax blushes ever so slightly and the guys begin laughing. "It wasn't an invited or returned affection Darlin."

"Okay Venus because you were up front you get a pass and because I'm pretty sure the only thing Jax likes is your rack and that twangy lil fake accent I won't rip your cock off." She smiles and adds firmly. "Don't do it again."

"Such a shame sugar coulda saved me bottom surgery."

Jenna burst out laughing. "I just might like you Venus."

"Figures, the only woman you can be friends with is male." Lyla teased.

"You sound like Ope, Ly."

-/-/-/-

Jax watches Nero show Jenna how everything works. Jax knows he has put her in the best environment he can for now.

Nero squats down beside her to explain the computer system. Only He, Ope or Piney, ever move down into Jenna's eye line when speaking to her. It surprises him until he remembers Nero's boy has Spina Bifida. He gets it understanding how the world sees Jenna and how she sees the world. He knows he's left his currently fragile wife in good hands. He'd told Jenna he needed someone here he could trust and it's true but he also needs someone to entrust her to until he can put his eyes back on her and he trusts Nero.

He walks over and bends to kiss the top of her head.

"If that was a goodbye kiss Jackson Teller I deserve a do over." She griped he laughed airlessly and stepped around to the front of her hair. He grabbed her face with one hand tilting it up he kissed her hard on the mouth. "Better?"

"Much. So where you headed?"

"Unser needs to talk to me. See you at the clubhouse?"

She nods.

"Oh and I have a question for The Madam and my wife?"

"Shoot."

"If we have sex here at some point do I have to pay for your services?" he asked smiling like the Cheshire cat.

"Jax!" she almost shrieks her eyes getting big.

He laughed. "What about that one really dirty thing?"

"You don't have near enough money for that Cowboy."

"So you can be bought?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.

"Fuck you!" she said laughing.

"Well yeah, I was kinda hoping."

"Get the hell outta here Teller!" She replies exasperated as looks on thoroughly entertained by their exchange.

"I love you. Bye babe." He kissed her one last time."

"Love you. Bye."

-/-/-/-/-/-/

There is stupid girly music playing through the clubhouse so he knows Jenna's there he finds her staring to the top of the closet in the apartment.

"Need help Jenny?" Jenna whips around at the sound of Clay's voice. "I mean no harm." He holds up his hands.

"Just in this moment you mean." She snips.

"Christ girl I know I'm a cold hearted self-centered son of a bitch and I don't pretend not to be but you clearly need help getting the stuff down. So just let me! You don't have to fight me on every goddamn thing baby."

"Fine." She relents.

-/-/-/-

"We're looking at this wrong Bobby, Otto isn't you." Jenna sat a pile of pictures down and rolled her neck.

"What does that mean?" He glances up at her.

"It means that the club wasn't the thing Otto held most dear, Luann was. You want to remind him of the man he really is bring his humanity back? Then we use Lu not the club."

"Good thinking."

"Question is how do I do that?" She looks around the piles of photographs and memorabilia. She eyes the box of Piney's home movies warily.

"Sense of smell is the strongest sensory link to memory."

"Makes sense, any time I smell pot I think of Gemma." She smirked.

"Ope?"

"Curve Cologne, Leather, Motor oil, and Elmer's glue."

"Why glue?" he asks with a confused expression.

"He got me to eat it once by convincing me it was ranch dressing, in my defense I was only five." Jenna smiled and Bobby laughed. She continued on, "That's not what you miss most though; I miss their voices and their hugs. I can't bring back Lu for him not her touch anyway and if it were me and I were denied for years, the right to touch Jax then have the chance dashed entirely if he died and-anyway I'd be totally broken without a goodbye. I get Otto on that much at least."

"If you're trying to make me feel guilty it's working." Bobby states.

"I'm not I think taking from Otto that he was the last one to touch her does enough of that for you. You didn't kill her Bob that's not on you, the fact that you not being able to keep it in your pants brought RICO down on Jax so that we couldn't leave and I'm left to clean up your mess is though." She rolled off.

-/-/-/-

Jax finds her watching old home videos. "Whatcha doin beautiful?" He lies down on the bed lying going the opposite direction.

"Looking through these old tapes of dad's seeing if Luann's on any of them. I can pull the audio so Otto can hear her voice."

"Smart." He reached over and pulled on her big toe making it pop.

"Don't do that, I can't feel it'll cause the AD to flare if it trips a pain signal and I don't have the time today."

"You're snippy today babe; Juice said you were mean to Bobby. That's not like you."

"Wasn't mean just honest. I don't like doing this it feels manipulative Jax." He trails his fingers up the arch of her foot.

He crawled up to the head of the bed. "I'm sorry, and you're right it is manipulate but is our only in Darlin'. "

He reached over and tilted her face toward him. Noting for the first time her red rimmed eyes. "You've been crying. I'll get someone else to do this part, hell I can do it."

She shook her head. "No, it's sad but nice in a way. I got it."

"You sure?"

She leaned in and kissed him. "I'm sure. Now, did you come up here to get something or…?"

He smirked. "Sex would be great but sadly, we don't have the time. Unser had suspicions the break ins were the nomads and he was right Greg and Go go attacked him and he and Clay shot them."

"How convenient for Clay." Jenna said dryly.

"Nobody can call my lady a dummy." He replied glancing at the TV where Opie is piggyback Jenna across the lot during a club party.

"So that leaves Frankie and Shiny to flush out."

"It does. Frankie is in the wind but Sunshine stayed put why?" He looked at her.

"My guess, Deke didn't do it. Not his style. He's too goddamned honest he wants something he takes it, doesn't bother saying please but he'll tell you if he took it. He likes to gloat. He's a cocky motherfucker being shady just isn't enough of a charge."

Jax gritted his teeth. "You're sure?" He gets off the bed and begins to pace.

"The only way to be sure is to ask. He'll tell me but you won't like watching me get the truth out of him."

"Shit."

"He doesn't lie but say Frankie has something on him, the best way for me to get what you need is exploit an old weakness." He glares at her momentarily.

"You."

"I'll just dangle the carrot baby, but like I said…" she looks over the apology evident in her eyes.

"I don't have to like it. I'll close my eyes and whistle Dixie til you're done."

Jenna laughed "Just dangling the carrot babe, not letting him hoe my row."

"Bad analogy, please shut up. "He grimaced.

"Have Juice send him my way in the chapel wait thirty 45 seconds then follow wait until you hear me say just like old times then come in." She got out of bed and transferred to her chair.

"And while you make out with your ex what am I to do?" He brushed her hair behind her ear,

"Listen and don't take it personally." She turned her face into his hand kissed his palm. Leaving him to stand in the empty room.

-/-/-/-

Jax listens as Jenna pretends to be crying then seeking comfort. At the first kissing sounds he cringes so hard he nearly jumps out of his skin battling between listening for info and trying to be anywhere else at all.

"What about Jax he'll kill me." Sunshine said. Oh you have no idea kid. Jax thought.

Jenna sighed Jax knew that sigh it was exclusively meant for his ears. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him isn't that a rule you live by Deacon?" Ok that stung a little bit more than he'd planned.

"Listen I- hey watch it I still have to go home to my husband don't leave a mark. "She chides sounding distracted.

"If I recall correctly you weren't always so chatty baby."

"Things change, listen I heard through the grapevine you might be involved in something with Frankie diamonds and that rash of break ins." Her voice shakes just a little as though in enjoyment. Jax hopes she is just a really good actress.

"Too rich for my blood and I hate the guy. You know that! Anything else or can we get down to business."

"For your own safety, I need to know if you know anything that could be of value to Frankie." She says firmly.

"He kept the loot and old files in the Lowell house now quit teasing me."

"You bet baby, just like old times." Jax comes in and she shoves Deacon away, all traces of pleasure gone.

She begins rebuttoning her shirt. "Sorry, he works fast." Jax stops the kid from leaving.

"Here's how this is going to work you'll tell me all you know right now. If not I'll tell the whole club and the state of California I caught you attempting to rape my disabled wife. The disability carries a whole other and pretty severe charge too." Jax catches his eye and keeps his gaze waiting.

"If I tell you I get to keep my patch?" Sunshine hedges.

"I won't incriminate you regarding this no. because she trusts you." He nods at Jenna whose now fully dressed.

"Will one of you help me get off this table please?" She asks obviously ill tempered.

"That was underhanded Jen, how'd you even?" Sunshine sputters angrily.

She looks between the men. "Deke, I pictured his head on your body the last six months of our relationship."

Jax lifts her off the table and into her chair. "The table really?"

"I knew he couldn't resist. His left eye twitches when he lies." Jenna tried to kiss Jax and he evaded.

"Brush your teeth first." He retorts.

"Doesn't feel very good does it Jax? Remember that next time you get itchy." She rolls to the door and reaches for the knob.

"You used me!" Deacon spits at her.

"No, Deke I just saved you." She says calmly.

"Before, I mean. "He corrects lowly.

"I'd apologize but you knew the deal before we got started Shine all body no heart. "

She looks to Jax. "Jax I'm going to pack for our trip."

"Take Tig with you."

"Oh before I forget the sitter flaked wanna give Gemma shot or should I call my mom?"

"Let Gemma have em we won't be far."

"Kay." She replies leaving.

-/-/-/-

"I was stealin' kisses from a boy now I'm begging affection from a man-" the knock at the door stops her from singing along with the radio she sits down the laundry basket and goes to answer the door.

Wendy Case is on the other side looking uncomfortable. Jenna laughed. "You're like a pit bull aren't you? "

"I realize I've handled this thing with Abel and you all wrong, and I am really sorry. I don't want to take Abel from you, He's your baby and you raised- are raising him no questions asked. "She nods solemnly and continues on while twisting her joined hands.

"I'm thankful for that I gave you custody because you're the better choice. You're his mother but so am I and I want to get to know my son. For him to know me in whatever way you think is best, Just please give me that chance because I'm not going anywhere Jennasis." She finishes drawing a nervous breath.

"And if you fuck up and use and abandon him again? What do I tell my son? Do I say it's not you baby?" She narrows her eyes and cocks head in thought. "Because He's old enough now to know what it means if you do, and he will think it's something he did or didn't do." She pauses deep in her own memories if only for a second.

"No matter how hard we work to show and tell him differently. He'll think it's his fault Wendy. Trust me. What I kind of mother would that make me setting him up for heart break?" She crosses her arms and stares daggers into Wendy.

"One chance Jen, one."

"You can say hi to him I need to talk the rest over with **Jax**. I'm leaving in thirty minutes it's the best I can do tell him you're my friend." She moved back to let her in.

"I'm sorry about Opie, Jen. He was a good person He never treated me-"

"Like a junkie whore? Yeah I know, he was a better person me. That's why I'm letting you do this I'm trying to be better because there aren't a whole lot of people left in this world who love me and I want Abel to have all the love in the world." She says.

: -/-/-/-  
Jenna sets the table and enjoys the silence of the cabin and the luxury of no one pulling at her or climbing up her like a tree. Tig wonders about the cabin aimlessly. Then comes in to the kitchen.

"This is pretty." He says and she looks over to see him holding up her black negligee.

"Tig don't take this wrong but you're a pervert."

"I know. I've accepted it." Jenna Laughed.

"I wasn't sure I should bring that **Jax** isn't much for frilly needless shit but Lyla bought it for me so might as well use it."

"You always look good in dark colors and this is fairly simple no freaky deaky shit, he'll like it." Tig's phone rings. "Yeah hang on, you tell her."

He passes Jenna the phone. "I'm fine." **Jax** says before she can even speak. "What?"

"I got ran off the road we're all fine but I need to clean up the evidence so when Tig brings us back go to the bedroom and turn on music."

"**Jax** do you think-"She tries to ask.

"We'll talk when I get there. Love you."

"Love you too." She hands tig his phone and watches him leave. She sighs so much for her romantic weekend.

**AN: I own nothing but Jenna, Arizona, and Sunshine. Sorry for the delay, life has been very busy and I've been fighting a cold. If you are still reading and enjoyed please review.**

**I don't own the following songs I just borrowed them Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran, and Stealing Kisses By Faith Hill. Thank you for your continued support of me and the series.-Meghan**


	7. Episode 8: Heart

Jax walks into the cabin. "Just ignore the large dead black man the boys are about to carry in okay?" he said and started rolling her back toward the bedroom.

Jenna laughed. "I think I might be really like evil because truthfully the only thing I care about right now is getting my truck cleaned. Are you and Chibby okay?"

"We're fine." He rolls her into the room and squats in front of her for a moment.

She grabs his face and begins to look him over for injuries. A shiner and scrape to the temple are all she can see. "This was Clay, it's gotta be Jax Frankie isn't smart enough."

"You may have a point. Stay here okay?" he kissed her cheek and her turns on her IPod. Total Eclipse Of the heart pours out.

She watches him walk out and grabs her kindle. She begins reading and ignores the guys talking trash followed by a distinct thunk-thunk sound. She reads awhile longer until her phone rings.

"This had better be good Juicy, I'm just getting to the good part and by the good part I mean sex."

"Gemma and the kids were in accident they're at St. Thomas."

"What?"

"They hit a tree, I don't know anymore."

"Juice…"

"Take a breath and get Jax. I'll meet you there Jen. It's gonna be fine."

-/-/=/-

Jenna stares a head silent and unmoving as Jax drives toward the hospital. He picks up her hand and squeezes lightly. "Stay out of your head Jenna, they'll be fine honey."

She looks over at him. "I'm tired of losing Jackson."

"We're not going too baby." He kissed the back of her hand.

"Why did home boy have no hands earlier?" she asks referring to the body they'd left behind.

"I wanted to send a clear message."

"Homie No hands certainly does that. Gross Jackson," She leads her head on to her window and watches the world pass in a night shrouded blur.

-/-/-/-

Jenna is hugged by Joss and then Juice scooped her up. "Is it bad?" falls on the fabric of his Hanes t-shirt.

"We don't know they won't say," he replies then adds. " we aren't considered family." He sounds just a little hurt.

"That reminds me, I need to have Lohan draw up some stuff."

"I'll set it up for you."

Tara walks in and sees Juice holding Jenna and Clay hovering warily near Jax.

"Gemma has a mild concussion and some bruising, Arizona is perfectly fine and Abel's heart ryhtm was altered from the shock of the crash."

Juice sits Jenna carefully in her hair. "Fix it." Jenna states plainly,

"I will, I need to chemically ablate his heart muscle to repair the damaged tissue and reset his heart rate.

"Ablate?" Jax asked.

"Ablation is a process where I run a Cather from his femoral artery up to his heart and inject a chemical into heart chambers to burn away the damage."

"You're going to burn my child's heart." Jenna said slowly.

"It's perfectly safe and he won't feel a thing Jen. It'll work I promise."

"Then do it, I trust you." She nods firmly.

"Someone needs to write that down for posterity." Bobby stated.

"Bite me." Jenna retorted and rolled off.

-/-/-/-

After checking on Arie and leaving her with Joss Jenna sets out to go find Jax and stops short when she sees Juice talking to Roosevelt. She hears the term "Blood bond" and her interest is piqued but she turns and goes the other way so as not to be seen.

She turns directly into Jax. "Oh I was looking for you."

"I was talking to Unser what is Juice doing?" He says looking over her shoulder.

"I don't know come see Zona while we wait for Abe." She pushes at him abdomen to get him moving. He's distracted but relents.

"Alright." Jenna doesn't know what exactly is going but she has a feeling Juice owes her one. With one last look over her shoulder she goes into Arizona's room.

They both sit staring silently at Arizona when Jax speaks. "He's been through so much already and he's only three. Arizona too Jenna it's just starting for her and she's 11 months old."

Jenna laughed dryly and made a strangled sound. Jax looks up at the noise. And sees Jenna's tear filled eyes. "Her birthday is in two weeks Jax. We got lucky this wasn't far worse, we're lucky they aren't all dead. She hit a fucking tree Jax. What if she was high or drunk? I left them with Joss she wouldn't have handed them over if she'd smelled something but-"

"You can cover pot with perfume and eye drops and vodka doesn't smell. I've been thinking the same thing babe, if she did this Jenna, god help me if she did this I don't know what I'll do." Jax shook his head and got to his feet to pace the room.

"You do what you have too baby, and if you can't I will."

"I forgot her birthday. I forgot my daughter's birthday Jenna. I don't want to be that guy." He stared out the window.

"You won't we have a party to plan."

"Clown theme?" He teased without looking at her.

"Oh fuck you." Jax just laughed.

-/-/=/-

Jenna wasn't supposed to sleep in the spare hospital bed but that didn't stop Jax from making her do so as he slept in the plastic recliner chair in between Abel's bed and Arie's crib.

Tara walked in and saw Jax sleeping with and hand on each of them and Jenna lay curled on her side facing them. In that moment for once she wasn't bitter.

She touched Jax's shoulder and he jerked awake. "The procedure worked his rhythm is holding fine, Arie's in the clear and your mom is awake."

"Can we take them home?" he squints up at her sleepily,

"Arie today, Abel tomorrow."

Tara goes to wake Jenna. "Let her sleep, I wasn't leaving her in the goddamn chair."

"That's fine."

Jax gets up and stretches and leaves Jenna a note on the white board in bright pink dry erase marker. _Went to see Mom and didn't want to wake you._ He drew a heart and signed his name.

"A heart? Really?"

"It'll make her smile and here lately we need reason. Room number" he finger combed his hair and threw on his cut.

"She's in 402."

"Thanks."

-/-/-/-

Jax returns to Jenna feeding Abel breakfast. Arizona lay on her back with her legs drawn up resting the bottle she's eating using both hands and feet. Jax laughs cocking his head he smiles down at her. "You must be part monkey Zona girl."

"That was quick." Jenna states glancing at him. "Mornin'"

Jax leans down and kisses Arizona before answering. "Mom said she was run off the road. Mornin' my Jenna."

"You believe that?" she turns toward him.

"Maybe, are you feeding him Jell-O?" Jax asks moving to sit on the end of the bed.

"At the sight of malt o meal he staged a revolt."

"Can't say I blame him." Jax replied leaning over to kiss Abel's bandaged head.

"Wanna know what I think?"

"Always. I want a bite."

"Get your own Jell-O." Abel said. Jax scowled making Jenna laugh..

"I think she just ran off the road and Clay's using it to his advantage. Diversion's a good defensive."

"But why?"

"Guy's black right. Penny ante criminal?"

"Yeah"

"Just a wild guess but he'll shove it off on Pope. Saying he likes to harm our kids. Dawn being the perfect Old Testament eye for an eye example." Arizona starts to fuss so Jax gets up and holds her.

"So it gives him time to find Frankie and get whatever it is he needs while I'm distracted by Pope and it really was Just Frankie all along." He stated bouncing Arizona up and down.

"Or your mom let him lie because she was drunk."

"You're getting too good at this shit it's scary."

Jenna laughs.

"As hell." He adds.

_/-/-/-

Jenna pulls into Diosa Norte at the say time as Jax. "What are you doin' here?" they shout to each other over the growl of Jax's bike and the purr of Jenna's truck they cut the engines and Jenna accidently yells. "Lyla called me!" at him.

Jax smiles at Jenna's own personal "Lucille Ball" moment. " Red hair and all." he murmurs.

"What?" she glances at him?

"Nothing." He replies and helps her from the chair. "Nero called me."

"That's probably not a good sign we both got called." Jenna points out as Chibs and Bobby pull in.

"Don't borrow trouble Baby." Jax replies.

_/-/-/-

Jenna is first through the door. "Get the door for the lass Jackie boy!" Jenna waves them off realizing the room is too quiet and the reception area empty.

"Yo! Ly! I'm here." She calls out. She turns into the seating area to see Frankie Diamonds holding Lyla and Nero hostage. A gun is jammed into Lyla's mouth. She freezes for a second and Jax walks into her. She dimly hears Jax curse ripely from behind her.

"Frankie let's just think about this." Jax tries calmly.

"Gimmie what's mine or Ope's whore gets a bullet. Drop your guns and knives." They all comply.

"Trade for me." Jenna says and hopes Jax doesn't kill her.

She rolls away from Jax. "Look whatever it is that you need Frankie we'll figure it out. You need leverage now fine. I make more sense than Lyla. You kill her and Ope's kids have no one." She takes a breath. "So I need you to just trust me and let me take her place. "She hopes Jax can read into that." You kill me? Then I chose it no harm no foul." She holds up her hands in surrender.

He tosses aside Lyla and grabs her shoving the muzzle of the gun to her temple. Her heart rate kicks up and she prays and breathes deep hoping to stave off autonomic dysreflexia. Jax lurches forward and Chibs grabs him yanking him back.. "He will kill her, think Jackie."

"Yes, I will I never liked the little slut anyway." He growls out yanking at her hair.

"You still bitter 'cause I wouldn't let you find out if the carpet matched the drapes when I was fourteen Frankie? I Figured you'd be over it by now."

"What?" Jax growled.

"Shut up or swear to God I'll kill her yappy ass anyway."

"Ok, just don't hurt her. Please." Jax knows he sounds likes he begging and that's fine because he is.

"On your knees" He commanded them.

The men comply and Lyla cowers in a corner near were Nero is seated.

"What do you want?" Bobby pipes up.

"My 250k as promised."

"By who?" Jax clarifies.

"Clay wanted the home invasions pointed at you to make you look weak and regain his power and paid me and my crew to do it. And to give me a cut in later. I just want my payment."

"We don't have it. Money from the drugs go to the Mayans and Cartel, guns go straight to the Irish I'll need time." Jax explains trying to figure out a way to bargain for his wife's life. If he didn't love her so much he'd kill her for this shit.

He cocks the gun. "I've got it." Nero shouts. "250 is all you want then I got it. 30 thousand a couple watches in my office safe. 10-9-03 is the combination."

"You go?" Frankie directed at Bobby.

He does as he's bid and returns with the package. He tosses it at Frankie who catches it and shoves Jenna away. He snatches the keys to Nero's truck off the coffee table. "You with me Scottie. Insurance."

Chibs goes with him.

"Please don't-"Jenna tries and Frankie turns and shoots at her but misses and catches Lyla who'd come to her side in the thigh with a bullet.

-/-/-/-

Once she was sure Lyla was going to be seen to she stepped out into the hall.

"Why'd you do that?" Jax yells at her.

"Why do you think? I don't want Ope's kids to be orphans again! "She yells back.

"What about ours Jenna? Did you think about our kids? Because- dying is not the way to honor Opie and you know it." Jax paces and yells more. He'd of killed you for that shit! "He glances at her his eyes glassy. "Jesus Christ Jenna-"he mutters softly and sniffs.

"I'm sorry I scared you."

He clears his throat revving up again. "You didn't scare me Jenna! What I felt just now was terror not fear. You terrorized me to play hero!"

"Like you don't do the same goddamn thing. Every day Jax." She says calmly and grabs his hand only to be shrugged off.

"She has a point." Nero stated calmly. "I didn't sign up for this, you have got to get in front of this shit and stop it Jax!"

"I have a lot going on right now, I'm trying man." Jax replies tiredly as he squats down in front of Jenna.

"I got in this with you because you want to do better but you've got to try harder. You have a beautiful wife, granted she's bat shit crazy but I get it she's loyal. You got good kids. Stop going from disaster to disaster using band aids and think big picture. "

"That stuff with your mom, the lie it's fixable."

"What lie?" He gets to his feet and advances on Nero.  
"She let Clay lie for her she was high but the lie because she was scared. Like you, with your band aid solutions."

"Oh she should be scared." Jenna stated.

"That's not going to fix anything."

"She almost killed my kids!" Jax shouts.

"You gonna beat her up? Don't you think your family's done that enough?"

"He may not but I sure as fuck will." Jenna spits out going for the door.

"You know what? You want Gemma; you got her and all her bull shit. Just don't come crying to me when you finally figure out where I get that little band aid mentality from. Partner." Jax retorted vitrolically

-/-/-/

"She asked permission to see them." Joss says whispering to Jenna and nodding her head toward Gemma...

"Alright." Jenna rolls forward and takes Arie from Gemma. "Take her out for a bit please." She hands her over to Joss. Jenna watches them leave the hospital room and makes sure Abel is still sleeping before she does anything.

Once it's all clear. "You got one shot to shoot straight with me Gem and even then it might not get you anything. I will know if you are lying so I'd think real hard before you tried it again. Right now, I'm not family, I am not your pseudo daughter who puts up with your shit because try as she might, she really does love you. Right now I am extremely pissed off mother."

"Is there something you feel we need to be told?" Jax adds.

"I- just I love them so much. I didn't want to lose time with them I never thought, I drive high all the time. Hell Jenny, you've done it too." She justifies.

Jenna snapped Gemma's neck to the side with a stiff right. "I have not."

Then it followed with a left. "That was for trying to kill my kids with your ignorance."

She grabbed Gemma by the hair and rapped her head back on the wall hard. "That was for slapping me three weeks ago."

"I'm sorry." Gemma said seemingly holding back tears and cradling her face.

"I don't believe you." Jenna replied coolly and forged on." You may never see my kids ever again I hope you know that. If you do it will be because I made you bow, scape, and beg. You'll be selling your soul first." Jenna spit in her face and left.

-/-/-/-

Jax found Jenna sitting in the center of the bed. Arizona sits next to her playing with a foam bath block.

Their serious expressions and fresh from the bath wet hair makes him smile.

"She looks just like you right now." He directed at Jenna.

"This is my side of the bed Miss Zona." He goes to climb up in the bed. Arizona points to him. "Dada!"

"No!" she shouts and tries to push him away.

"I'm thinking she's decided to sleep here tonight." Jenna looks over at him and grins.

"There's the smile I love" he climbs up on the bed and sits Arie in his lap.

"You are wearing your sneaks."

"I'll ditch em 'in a minute. Talk to me."

"I officially trust no one Jax." She turns off the TV.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes. Implicitly questionably." She pins him with an old look. He hadn't seen the "I trust you because I love you." Look in weeks.

"Then it's not no one. I have a way to catch Clay and cut him out. It will be effective but you won't like it. Even though you gave me the idea."

"How?" She asks trying to ferret out the plot.

"Beg bow and scrape. Love is a powerful motivator. She can regain Clay's trust. He still loves her. We get her to do that she can see the babies."

"If anyone did that to us, used our love for each other and our family against us I'd kill them."

"You in?" He asked.

"Jesus Jax that's using our children as a bargaining chip."

"I know, I don't like it either but I wouldn't gamble it if I didn't think she did really love them."

"Okay. Do it." She let out a breath.

"I'll go explain things and relieve Joss. I'll stay with little man."

"You can get him to sleep?"

"I know your tricks." He kissed both of them and got up. "Goodnight my girls I love you."

"My girls huh?" Jenna smiled.

"You don't mind?"

"No, it's sweet. I love you Jaxy goodnight. Ride careful." She tucked the baby in with her and turned on the TV. The door closed behind Jax in the kitchen.

She hears his bike start. "I hope you're right this time Jackson, for all our sakes."


End file.
